Dug in Deep

I'm writing now, at ten in the morning, not because I'm a responsible guy who wants to get his duties done right quick, but because I'm pretty sure that by the time I get home from work I will be too exhausted to think, let alone write coherently. I've been up since nine last night, which has left me a lot of time to think over some things. I'm not in a great position right now, with ten hour work weeks, bills that continue to pile up, and the desire to have at least a little money for myself creating serious budgeting issues. I find myself with two dollars in my bank account, and a disconnected cell phone. My last two cable bills had to be paid by someone in my family, and I have yet to pay back the two hundred dollars I owe between my step-father and brother.

I'm in a hole, packed in so tightly I can barely move. I can't get more scheduled hours, and despise taking cover shifts. Prospects of another job are slim and would only lead to another position where I despise the notion of walking into work. I don't have the money to pay off my expenses and have a little on the side for myself, and it's starting to get to me. Life can do that, when everything seems to collapse in on you at once. You find yourself in a position where forward seems almost impossible, where life just seems to stop you from progressing. It's hard, at these times, to find some footing, you have so much to deal with, where is the first step?

It's in these times, these harrowing times of overwhelming odds, that finding that first step is so crucial. You may find it hard to move forward, but it's the only way to go. You can't stay where you are or the world will eventually suffocate you. But more important than taking that first step forward, is taking a step back. Find your footing, steel yourself, and start climbing out of that hole. It's gonna be hard, it's not gonna be fun, but with some hope, you'll find yourself in a better place soon enough.

I have had a rough couple of weeks. My financial and employment woes have taken a toll on me emotionally, frustration and erratic work has left me with a horrible sleep cycle. I feel sullen and dull, I lash out at my friends. I have a choice to make, two options. I can stay where I am, I can budget myself even more strictly, hope that the money I pull in can keep up with the bills, hope that something unexpected doesn't come up. Or, I can grit my teeth and move forward, start taking more cover shifts, start saving instead of budgeting...

Really, just dig my foot in and start climbing out of this hole.