Limits

Limits come up a lot, the peak of our ability, the most we can do. They are things to beat, challenges. There are limits of strength, endurance, brains, and time. Time limits being the most infuriating, it's not about simply knowing more, lifting more, or lasting more, it's pure pressure.

A bolder rests over your head, in five minutes, it drops and crushes you. Write an original opinion piece in that time. Feel that? The pressure build, the anxiety, the crushing feeling more powerful than the rock above? You get nervous, you get sloppy, you slow down. Can't slow, must keep going.

Every fauter, ever hiccup, every strain of the mind is more seconds wasted, it gets harder to pick it up again, harder to begin where you left off, hard to get motivated. It all comes crashing down on top of you, before the time even ends.

You work fast, faster than you should, you don;t look back, don't second guess. It doesn't matter what comes out, you need to produce before that rock falls. It's coming to the end now, you feel the pressure of the rock on your back, your heart pounds, you finish that last sentance...

Did you make it?

Blocked

Over the past couple weeks I've talked a lot about preforming projects, especially creatively. I've talked about motivation, time, and the difficulty of starting a project. One thing I've hinted at but never addressed is the dreaded Writers Block. The infuriating inability to progress or move forward in your writing.

I can tell you first hand how frustrating it is to be unable to write. It's not lack of motivation, because I want to write, it's not lack of ideas because my mind is teeming with them. It just doesn't happen, the words don't come out right if at all. It's infuriating, it's frustrating, it gets to be depressing... You end up not wanting to write anymore.

The block makes you feel like you can't do it anymore, that you're not good enough. You stop writing all together, not wanting to try because the block is just too large to overcome. It's hard so you stop trying, you give up without really starting.

Great writers can overcome it, they push past the difficulty, and find a way to produce. All of this comes not only to writing, but any project. Sometimes you just can't find a way to go on, you find your own block in life, you want to just stop. What you need to do is just bite your lip and move on. The way to get past it is to stop thinking and just move forward even if what you're producing isn't great. You fix it later, your job is to keep moving till it becomes easier.

And now I can't think of a closing line, damn it.

Absence

It may be apparent, that I missed my day yesterday. What happened was I forgot. It simply slipped my mind, there is little else to say beyond that. It's not the best excuse in the world, but that's the truth of the matter, and I must now make up for it. Five days of writing, I will be writing until Wednesday. I really don't know if I can do it, but we'll see.

Missing things in general is an undesirable experience, not being there, missing out, being absent... The things you miss may never come again. You lose the chance to make an experience, lose the ability to have a memory. Work, school, work, social engagements, each have a chance to have us experience something new.

But then, how many times have you missed out on something because you were at work, because you had school, or needed to attend a party somewhere else? We again lose on experience, and now it's not even our fault. We've missed something great so we wouldn't miss something we don't enjoy. With all the chances to miss something, it can come to make you indecisive about where to be.

How many times have you played hookie in your life? How many times was the experience worth it, how many times did you miss something because you weren't there? Nobody can be everywhere at once, and none of us can predict the experiences we will encounter, so how do we decide where to go and when? How do we make the most of our time, minimize the chance of being absent?

Flexibility. Make sure you don't work too much, make sure you're hot at home all the time. Start living, be as many places as you can be. Make sure all life's experiences are available to you, that you can get to them and enjoy them. Make sure you're out in the world and most importantly, don't worry too much about what you might miss while you're out there. The experience you have there might top whatever your experience you might have had here.

All I know for sure is... Manda missed one of her days first.

Love Cliches

I wrote this a while ago.. I can't find the will to write today.. Vote in the comments if I deserve a punishment.


Cliché ideals of love:
Sweaty palms
Racing hearts
Perfect harmony
Finishing each others sentences
Constant happiness
Fixed flaws

Real love:
Uncontrolled laughter
Knowing what you’re going to say but saying something different just to make the other person laugh because you’re a freak and they like it ^_^
Acceptance, love and reassurance that flaws are not only ok, but beautiful
Inside jokes
Fights, rubbing each other the wrong way and being able to accept it as part of life, fix it and move on
Knowing what makes each other tic
Knowing what makes each other smile
Knowing what makes each other cry
Knowing what makes each other crazy
Not knowing why you’re smiling
Not knowing why you’re crazy
Not knowing why you’re laughing
Learning, every day, how to make it work



Fuck clichés, I think we’ll be fine without them.

Jumping Back In

Vacations are great, you get to spend some time to yourself, not worry about all the little things in life. You can relax, and get to what you want to do. But eventually vacations end, you have to go back to your job, you're normal routine. Returning to a routine can be just as hectic as disrupting one, coming back after being gone... You suddenly feel like you're new again.

Expected to preform acts you've so joyously distanced yourself from, those old muscle memories slow to respond. You fluster, you flub, you make mistakes. The tension mounts, you wonder why you took that vacation at all. You tell yourself you should have stayed where it was comfortable. The familiar is so inviting, no change, no expectations, no excitement.

Eventually the muscle memories kick in, we become settled in our norm. The tension is replaced with ease, we find ourselves again. That break is once again welcomed, enjoyed. Thought on with fondness. We let those thoughts of staying in the familiar pass, and start planning our next disruption of the routine... We jump back in, and find ourselves.

But damn if picking up where you left off isn't hard.

Confusing Realities

Tangled in the vines
You think about all you've done
Tangled in the vines
You whisper a prayer for all you could do

Tangled
Webbed
Trapped

Trapped without hope
You wish for redemption
Trapped without dreams
You lose connection

Once you're there
You're lost forever
You're drifting away
You've gone to a world of ends


Or a beginning.