Disputatious Complacancy

Unknown

2010-08-03T12:39:00.003-04:00

Complacence is not acceptance
Just as a smile is not happiness.
Similar symptoms, different causes

Is happiness common flow
Or complete ecstasy?
Do you have to be overrun?

I have no idea,
No thought,
No stone to write in.

Vacation over, back to writing.
Let's see.... I've got nothing.

Let's throw some stuff out there for us, shall we?

VACATION TIME!!!!

2010-07-01T23:38:00.000-04:00

Manda and Will are going on vacation!

Err.. Well, Manda in the literal "vacation" sense and Will in the "no writing for a month ahhhh" sense.

This is brought on by a mixture of writing burn out, Manda going out of town, and the general need for some time off.

So for the month of July, this blog will not be updated. Feel free to read or reread the past 100-some posts and leave comments or critiques...

Hopefully we'll be back next month refreshed and ready to crack some more writing out.

See you August first!

-Manda and Will

Under Who?

2010-06-28T23:14:00.002-04:00

So in North Carolina there's this billboard, well there's five Billboards but we're only talking about the one along the Graham Parkway in Charlotte. This Billboard displays a backdrop of the American flag, and in large silver letters "One Nation Indivisible". Now on it's own there's really not much to say about it, until you realize that it Graham Parkway was named after an evangelical, and the Billboard has been vandalized.

In blue graffiti the words "Under god" appears under the wording of the billboard, with an arrow pointing up to where the words would be in the Pledge. Now I'm not about to talk about the pledge, as much as you may think I am. We've all heard the debate, we all know the Pledge never started out with 'Under God' in it, despite a Baptist Preacher writing it. We all know those two words that cause some sort of controversy in a school every few months was a result of the Cold War, and our great leaders trying to distance itself from it's Atheistic enemy by buddying up with god, despite it going against the Constitution.

So now that I've lied and have in fact put out my two cents in on the Pledge, lets get back on with my real issue. The fact that someone would even do this just boggles the mind. The Billboard rose very high from the ground, and the ladder leading up to the sign did not come all the way down, the only way this was at all possible was if the vandals brought along a ladder with them, or were circus giants. They climbed high into the air, risked their lives, to what? Deface a sign that will be fixed before the 4th? And here's the thing, this sign was not put up to offend, nor to start any debate or argument over the pledge. The five Billboards were put up for two reasons, to attract fellow Atheists to the various organizations and clubs in North Carolina, and to state proudly that Atheists can be patriots too.

The story is just puzzling, as I can sort of relate. When leaving my town for work there is a small billboard like sign posted in the lot across the street from the church. It's a sign I really hate, as it says "Babies are a gift from God" with a photo of a baby with a bow on it. It's a pro-life sign, and every time I find myself passing it I can't help but spout out 'Yeah, but God doesn't give gift receipts.' The other side of this posting has a sign of a hand painted baby with bold laters proclamating "Mother behold your son!" And while that was doesn't offend me as much, mainly because it's harder to make fun of, it's still pushing a message I very much disagree with.

But I would never vandalize these signs, I would never walk up and deface these signs, even though they portray a message that's much more direct and volatile than the Atheist's, that being that Abortions are bad. And if someone against these signs did vandalize them, you can be assured the fury storm would topple the one of the Atheists, as both articles I read on this topic stated in the title that these billboards were controversial. This confused me because none of the other four billboards were vandalized or put anywhere remotely tied to religion, and the one that was was only placed there because the only other locations open were too expensive or had low viability, as stated by the head of the organization that bought them.

Aside from this one sign the campaign has been a success, pulling in nearly sixty new members to Charlotte Atheists & Agnostics. This one incident of strange efforts of a few going out of their way to battle against a benign enemy. This harmless message opening a window for like minded folks, and telling the world that Atheists are Americans as well. It's sad though, because the only reason this message is needed is because some have seem to forgotten that while God has a place in America, he doesn't have a place as America.

No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God.” George H. W. Bush - Used again because it's still relevant.

Throw in the Towel

2010-06-27T11:48:00.000-04:00

A little while ago I talked about how the company I worked for was going under. I talked about the cut backs I saw occurring, the desperate attempt to bring in money by pushing high gross items and changing store policies, and generally making all our lives hell. In that article I mentioned that I was mad at the people up top, corporate, for our current predicament, but I can't say I'm mad anymore. I can't say I'm mad anymore because it just doesn't convey the message anymore, I am now utterly furious with these people, and it's because they haven't given up yet.

There's something noble about going against the current, about fighting against the odds, about not giving up even when everyone says there's no chance. These are the stories that make up our fiction, the lone hero standing against the impossible. It's these stories that inspire us, these stories that make us smile and remind us that we can do anything if we have the will. But this is not that story, this is a company long since overdue of it's death, actively hurting it's employees in attempt to stay open a few feeble months longer. This is a company that hemorrhages money every day and refuses to simply cut it's losses and care for it's own. This is a company that isn't fighting a hopeless battle, the battles done, it's lost, and is now milking it's tragic and tiresome death scene for all it's worth.

This company is stomping on it's employees. It's our responsibility, they say, to keep the company afloat. We are held accountable for the companies success or failure, not it's archaic business practices. They cut our labor hours more and more as the months go by, I was once battling to get sales so that I may have the favor of gaining hours, now with this recent cut I will be battling to get sales so that I may have the favor of not losing hours. Put simply, I was once selling for a bonus, now I am selling to avoid punishment. My manager is being driven to madness, forced to work extra shifts if we do not meet goals, being berated over and over for the smallest transgression, watching in horror as every week a new and worse idea comes down the corporate pipeline on how to sell, what to sell, how the store should look.

The customers become worse and worse as the honest and good customers leave the company that is failing, leaving behind only the belligerent and wild, those who seek to scam or undercut us. Oh and they'll succeed, the company cannot afford to lose them after all. Every day I work I stare at the walls in the closing hours in disbelief. Strewn about, out of order, intentional messes. I stare and I feel my anger growing, because I know there is an impossible choice. We can stay late and clean up the disaster that is the store and be yelled at for going over hours, or we can leave on time as we're supposed to and be yelled at for the state we left the store in. With closing an hour earlier than we used to, and CSR shifts being rearranged to start at 6pm instead of 5pm, we are given a seven hour work load to be done in five hours.

This company does not give me any reason to work for it. It does not respect me, it does not care for me, it does not benefit me. There is no reward for doing especially well at my job and it does not give me enough hours I need to support my rather meager needs. The people up top are cutting costs to save themselves, they are cutting costs to keep their own status quot without even considering their employee's. They should have ended it by now, put up the going out of business sign and turned whatever money they had left to make sure the people who served them were taken care of. Instead they continue on and hurt their employees. I feel myself almost grateful for the little I work at this company, despite my need and pleads for more hours. I find myself happy knowing that I don't have to go back there for four more days because I'm just so filled with rage after every shift. I'm no slouch, I have been the top seller in my store for three straight weeks now, but they give me nothing to show for it, they give me no money, benefits, no perks. They simply give me no respect.

Now excuse me, I need to go fill out a few applications.

XXXcuse me

2010-06-26T22:54:00.002-04:00

So a while back you may remember some legislation coming around with making a new suffix for the internet, .XXX. This new domain suffix would be made solely for sites that deal with pornographic material, obviously. The idea was that making passing this would 'clean up' the internet, and make it easier to block and keep the material out of the hands of kids. The websites would still be available for any who wanted to see it, and all sides would be happy. It seems that this motion, after already being rejected in 2007, was overturned and may be implemented shortly. This is good, right? Well, no it's not.

You see most adult websites don't want this change to occur, and have been fighting against it. Also fighting this move is religious organizations, oddly enough, feeling that this will in fact cause pornographic sites to spread out and become even more prevalent on the internet. And of course, as any dad with a nudie mag collection will tell you, no matter how well you hide it, putting all the 'bad stuff' in one place does not make it more difficult to discover, it actually makes it much easier.

But the real issue here, the issue most of the adult websites fighting this are worried about, is possible censorship. The way it works now is pornographic sites are governed by the same rules as every other site with a .com or .net suffix. So whether you want to visit Hustler's website to look at naked women, or the Martha Stewart website to find a recipe for apple pies, it's all generally run the same way. With the addition of the .XXX brings possible new rulings which could hamper or outright censor the sites on any number of reasons. If the board set to run this new domain decide they don't like something, they can simply remove it, and the company will have no choice but to accept it.

All in all this just seems like a bad idea. The internet doesn't need a 'red light district', what makes this crazy thing we call the web so great is the mass accumulation of information, media, and services. It's all in one place with no limits, it's all accessible without jumping through hoops. Sectioning off the internet will limit it's freedom, it will tier off the mass, it will give prevalence to one type of information, and subjugate another. This whole issue just smacks of the same kind of logic that brought on the idea that Net Neutrality is bad. The internet is not something that needs to be separately governed and controlled, it's not something that can be governed and controlled. The internet is a bastion of knowledge, and you can't control that.

And seriously, .XXX? You couldn't come up with something less silly?

Battle of the Sexists

2010-06-25T22:49:00.002-04:00

I am not a Feminist, and in fact generally try to avoid people who self identify themselves as such. Now the reason for this is not because I'm a chauvinist pig who do not believe in a woman's rights, nor is it the taint that some hardcore Feminists have drawn in the sand against men. The simple fact is that in my mind defining yourself as a Feminist, no matter how sensible or well minded on the issues you may be, you still bring on a separation that has negative connotations. As a Feminist you fight for a woman's right, as opposed to just for rights.

I bring this all up because I read an article dealing with a little... Hypocrisy. Here we have a woman who states quite boldly, that if the World Cup featured female athletes and a site came up for men to ogle the beautiful women it would be awful. But the site that exists now for women to drool over men is not only perfectly acceptable, but just the women's way of appreciating the athletes, since the men there certainly aren't simply sex objects, and being adorned by these women just because they look good. The site the article links to right now has fourteen photos up, eight of which the men are in some form of undress, and only four of which there's even a ball present.

This woman writing the article tries desperately to keep her integrity as a gender defender Feminist while still allowing herself to indulge in a little man meat. The problem with this and with Feminists in general is there's nothing wrong with this. The woman here has every right in the world to stare at these men, to be attracted to these very fit and appealing men. She doesn't have to care about the sport, she doesn't have to justify herself as she enjoys watching their shirts being taken off, or compiling a list of 'Thighlight' photos for other women to look at and feel funny about.

We're all hard wired to do it, some more than others yes, but we're all attracted to bodies. It's not something to be ashamed of, it's simple genetics. We're bred to be attracted to people who are aesthetically pleasing. This is 2010, a woman is no longer hired solely on the basis of her looks, unless the job is centered around looking good, and in those cases men are just as subject to those vain rulings, sometimes more so.

If you want to argue for equal rights, that's one thing, but pressing this idea that attraction based on looks is bad is complete lunacy. We're hard wired to want to see the opposite sex and it's after that we start to build upon it into a relationship. But our models, our actresses, and our female athletes are not likely to be hanging out at a singles bar for us to approach and get to know the real them. So we look, and you know what, so do women. We all look and there's nothing wrong with that. We're all people and yes, if we look good, sometimes we're all sexualized.

I'd just like to see the Feminist argue for equal wages for male porn stars.

Alternative Age

2010-06-24T23:21:00.003-04:00

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, to talk about today. Most articles I found were about the antenna problem regarding the new iPhone, and that's not exactly a big talking point. So I'm gonna discuss something that's not in the news, but more something that's close to my heart, and something I was working over my head yesterday. I was working over the idea of New Age and Alternative medicine, I was working over the sadness I feel for the patients, and the anger I feel towards the practitioners.

Let's get the easy one out of the way first, New Age medicine. Now I really shouldn't have to go on how three thousand year old eastern medical practices based on spiritual healing and, well, nothing else could possibly thrive in a world with modern medicine. Unfortunately I have to do just that, because it just won't go away. The New Age Medical practices are based off the old Eastern philosophy of healing spiritual energy, add that with Hippies minus the tie dye, and you've got yourself a nice placebo that will not only earn you cash, but get you the appreciation of your fellow man. Unearned, and unwarranted. New Age Medicine, incense therapy, and any other spiritual nonsense are nothing more than placebos. They put the patient in a relaxed state, they're calm, they're at ease, and worse off, they believe it will work. They end up saying they feel great! And continue to go for treatment while the real problem continues.

Now Alternative Medicine is a bit trickier as there's no aspect of spirituality in these... most of the time. They try and sound scientific, while in essence have no scientific backing to their methods. You're likely to see a lot of alternative medicine on late night infomercials promising to heal that back, ankle, wrist, neck, and weight problem you have. Things like Reflexology, Magnet Therapy, Herbology, and Homeopathic medicine provide the same placebo effect for those who don't critical thinkers who don't want spiritual healers, and don't want to think critically enough. These practices mostly seem to be elaborate massages, or using devices that have little to no actual effect on the human body, or just really bad science like diluting medicine with water somehow making the medicinal value stronger?

So how do these practices continue to thrive? I could easily say that people are gullible and knock off for the day, but I don't think that's truly the case. In my experience, every person I've known that prefers alternative or new age medicine had some tragedy in the family caused by modern medicine. These people watched a family member suffer and die due to a mistake by a doctor, or an adverse reaction to a medical procedure. It's heartbreaking watching these people, who aren't stupid, they're not dim witted or lack any sense of sense, they're angry and spiteful. So here comes a practice that promises to make you feel great with no risk. And hey, it works, you do feel great and there was no risk.

But while feeling great, real sickness and illness can take hold and these people just can't fix that. There is no getting better without some risk, we're talking about altering the state of our bodies, and our bodies can be temperamental bitches. Being angry at Medicine because your doctor was a fuck up, or because one time a medication had a side effect just doesn't justify endangering your own life, and possibly your families. Realize that Medicine is not a practice that can ever be one hundred percent, and for practitioners is an ever learning experience. Realize that Modern Medicine has completely eradicated thousands of diseases and illnesses through cures and treatments, and that New age and Alternative Medicine has completely cured absolutely nothing.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, or it does nothing at all.

Broadcast Someone Else

2010-06-23T23:01:00.002-04:00

I've talked in the past about piracy, bringing up the point that though those against piracy on the internet are right, their methods of enforcement quickly turn public opinions against them. No greater case can be listed than Viacom's nearly two billion dollar lawsuit against Google in regards to their property YouTube. The ruling has finally come, and the Judge stated that YouTube was doing everything in it's power to remove copyrighted material from it's site, IE someone flags a video as copyrighted and YouTube removes it. Therefore YouTube was acting in accordance to all laws regarding Internet Media. Viacom states openly that they're sure they will win in appeal, and continues it's effort in making itself the enemy of this situation.

Now this is a little different from the last article I did on Piracy, where the individual person was stealing and distributing media, now we have a middle man, a company, YouTube. Viacom's case is that YouTube's methods of removing material from their site is inadequate and therefore the mega-giant that is Viacom is losing money from people watching their shows on the site. They go on to point out that YouTube actually encourages the posting of copyrighted material and are making money off of it. As ludicrous as this is, it becomes even sillier when the fact that Viacom itself has posted it's own material on the site to spark a viral interest in the material, and have asked YouTube to put it back up when it was taken down...

The simple fact is that YouTube has a EULA, an End-User License Agreement, which states quite clearly that the posting of videos that you do not exclusively own without permission is prohibited. When someone ignores this, the video can then be flagged by any user, and will then be viewed by a moderator, and removed if the video goes against the User Agreement. Case closed. YouTube has always made it clear that videos you do not have permission to show are not allowed, and it is the individual users that ignore this agreement that cause the problem, and with a user base numbering in the thousands of people who use YouTube regularly, not even mentioning the casual users, it creates a pile that can be difficult to manage.

What strikes me is Viacom's assertion that YouTube makes it's money off this material. This is a lie, and one I cannot fathom anyone buying. The core premise of YouTube is the ability to share an individual's videos with the world, and that's generally how it's used. From funny accident videos to vloggers, the people who do actually bring most of YouTube's money, the site is about self expression for anyone and everyone.

Right now I'm looking at YouTube's front page and you know what I see? In the Featured Videos I see Tiny Bubbles; a bearded man talking to his camera about explosions, Understanding GIRLS!!!; a video of an Asian girl talking about, well, women. In the 'Videos being watched now' section I see Marvel vs. Capcom 3 Gameplay Footage posted by IGN, and Ken's Dating Tips, a comedy skit promoting Toy Story 3 posted by Pixar. Wait a minute, you mean legitimate companies are using YouTube to distribute their content so they can make money?

This is where Viacom should be, they should be using YouTube, not trying to milk it for two billion dollars. The simple and instant access to media is what makes sites like YouTube so popular, people can instantly find something they want to watch. Whether it's Movie Trailers posted by the Studios, reports directly from the floors of E3 posted by G4, or news reports put up by CNN. YouTube is not hurting media distribution, it's giving it a new tool to provide us entertainment on our schedule, and putting it in a place we're all gonna be able to find it. Here we have yet again a company that doesn't want to see the world of technology evolve, they just want to keep everything the way it was...

Knock it off Viacom, and upload a video.

Bad Blood

2010-06-21T22:16:00.002-04:00

Let's say that you, spurred on by the recent tragedies of the past few years, want to give something back. You wanna help out, do something right, but you have a problem. You see, you're broke and really can't give any money to the relief funds and you're too busy to go down and volunteer, so what do you do? Well why not donate some blood? Yeah, that's something you can do. It doesn't cost you anything, you only have to give up about an hour of your day at most, and you get a cookie and some OJ for your troubles. That, and you'll know that you're helping people who truly need it... What's that? You're a gay man? Sorry, never mind.

Since 1985 the FDA has put a ban on any male donor who has had even one sexual encounter with another man since the year 1977. Though there have been several attempts to remove this ban, as far as I can read, it is still in effect. The reasoning for this is because it is seen that homosexual relations is a high risk for transmitting diseases. Basically, it's easier and more prevalent for gay men to have HIV.

Now I could blow that away as really bad science and forced statistics. I could point at the level of disease on race lines, how any man and woman who preform anal sex are just as likely, or that it's actually shared needle use that is the higher transference of blood born diseases. But I won't, cause it's not the point. You can't just lop off a litany of perfectly viable volunteers just because the odds are higher that they might be diseased compared to another according to your bad math. The FDA is in essentially saying that one group of people can participate, and another can't. That's right, they're discriminating against male homosexuals.

They're not doing it intentionally, no, they're only doing it because they're looking at the data they gathered, and came to the wrong conclusion. In 1985 when this ban was passed HIV and AIDS was new and scary. They didn't know a lot about it at the time, they didn't know many ways to prevent it, and it seemed like it was located solely in the Homosexual population. The disease was referred to as the Gay Cancer, it was wide spread, it was terrifying. In they're haste to keep this deadly disease out of the population at large, one could argue that the ban was needed.

But it's not anymore, it's just not. They argue that the tests aren't one hundred percent, that there's human error, and that it's just too much of a risk still. But it's 2010, HIV and AIDS are not the gay cancer anymore, just as many straight people suffer from the disease as well. It's no longer so very wide spread among the gay community with the increased use of protection and testing. Every gay man walking the street is not diseased, and they're blood is just as 'high risk' as the woman who last year banged three guys in one night with no condom... Right now all this bad does is discriminate, it keeps a part of the population from helping with the massive needs blood donation. If you need to live in your small minded world, test the blood more strictly, but don't disallow good blood.

You need it more than they do.

[Insert Title Here] Day

2010-06-20T20:55:00.002-04:00

So it's Father's Day, a day in which we celebrate dad, and despite my issues of distance and unfamiliarity with the man, I called my father to wish him a happy Father's Day. We talked for some time about this and that, and all was well. However I may feel about him as a person, he is my father and he deserves love and respect for what parts he did have in raising me, and that is my problem with Father's Day. In fact, it's my problem with any 'holiday' that puts some arbitrary importance on any one subject more-so than any other day of the year.

I hate Father's Day, I hate Mother's Day, and like any single person I hate Valentine's day. Secretary Day, Nurse Appreciation day, every year it seems a new day comes up we're expected to respect a person or persons we should already respect on any given day. I can go on to tell you how it's all pushed by Hallmark and other such companies to keep themselves relevant the other ninety percent of the year people aren't buying three dollar pieces of cardboard paper with some sappy words on them, and as true as it is, I won't. Instead I'll simply talk about how these companies, the ones who push these Holidays in the first place, end up destroying the true sentiment behind them.

Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentines Day, all these holidays are in spirit a celebration of love and cherishment of a person. These days of respect and admiration to people we care about are instead turned into mini-Christmases where we're more concerned about the guilt of buying something nice for the person instead of giving them our love and respect. Love and cherish your Father, but also buy him a cool toy from Radio Shack. Show your utmost desire for your lover on Valentines day... by purchasing them a gold ring. Maybe it's just the cynic in me, but sometimes it just feels like the gift overshadows the intent behind the gift.

These holidays are ridiculous, they push on to you an obligation to feel for someone as you should every day without the need for a date on a Calendar. The celebration of love should not be exaggerated on one specific day in the year, it should be honest and heartfelt every single day. The only days that should be any different are personal milestones, hallmark moments, and annual achievements like Birthdays and Anniversaries. These days have actual meaning to the people being celebrated, they're not arbitrary third Mondays of a month you're expected to care a little more. They're special not cause it's the day you need to buy a card, but because they mark a moment in time that matters whether it be a birth, falling in love, or a marriage.

Even with all that I've said, do call your Father if you can, tell him you love him, spend some time on the phone with him. If you're able to a dinner with the man won't hurt, and yeah, a gift that shows you appreciate what he's done for you would be nice. Just don't do it because of what today happens to be, do it because he deserves it. Do it because you love him.

Putting so much love into one day, just means there's less to give all year round.

When is a law the law?

2010-06-19T23:09:00.002-04:00

Last Wednesday Aline Wright had a stroke, but was luckily enough to feel it coming along early. Her husband of four days Jesse, was quick to put her in the car and rush her to the hospital. On their way there Jesse ran two red lights, he was not reckless though, he in fact stopped at the light and made sure there was no oncoming traffic before moving on, treating the lights as stop signs. On the second light a cop spotted them and gave chase, being only a block away from the hospital, Jesse decided not to stop thinking the cop would realize why he had done what he did. The cop caught up with them at the entrance of the emergency room and actually stopped them from entering, Aline actually being carried in Jesse's arms. The cop did eventually let them through, but followed them in intent on arresting Jesse. The Hospital, though, turned him away as Arline could not speak, and Jesse was needed to answer questions.

The following days progressed oddly, when on Thursday Jesse was told there was a warrant out for his arrest, upon turning himself in though he was told no such warrant existed. Returning to his wife, he was awoken on Friday morning to find that he was being arrested. The couple already have a lawyer ready to fight this, and intend to lodge a complaint against the police department. The only comment the department would make on the issue was that the officer was "just doing his job." And you know what? He was.

Yeah he was being a dick about it, and went about this whole issue the completely wrong way, but this officer saw a man run a red light, and when giving pursuit, the driver did not pull over. Here's a simple truth that many do not know, it's not a cop's job to protect you, a cop's job is to enforce the law. The question of this story to me is when does the law become supplemental. I'm sure we've all heard a story of a frantic man driving a pregnant woman to the hospital as she enters labor, the man is pulled over for speeding, and the cop then gives the two an escort to the hospital. But Jesse didn't stop, he didn't have a police car ahead of him clearing traffic for him, and despite being only a few blocks to the Hospital, a cop could interpret this as endangering others, and the man did not stop when caught.

Even with this I'm going to be siding with the Wrights here. Once the cop realized what was going on, he should have let them go, possibly with a warning. The man stopped these two right outside the entrance to the ER while Jesse was literally carrying Aline because she was unable to walk. This man followed these two into the hospital with intents to arrest Jesse for the crime of carefully running a red light with no traffic, and a wife experiencing a stroke. The law or not, it takes someone very cold to not understand that going after a guy for that is wrong. And that's the thing with this story to me, there's a legitimate complaint for both sides, but the Cop tops it for not realizing that while Jesse did break the law, he didn't do anything wrong.

“Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.” Mark Twain

Time To Grow Up

2010-06-17T22:36:00.004-04:00

There's something strange,
Taking care of someone else,
Hearing the call of help
Or the whine of unhappiness.

You wonder,
How did I get to this place?
I'm in charge of someone else.
I can barely take care of myself!

How... frustrating.
Dizzying.
Exciting.
Endearing

Your Own Man

2010-06-16T19:55:00.002-04:00

In September of 2007 I found out that my father was dying. At that point he had been living in North Carolina for some time, and I hadn't seen him in years. We were told he didn't have much time left, so me and my family got on a plane to go see him, we spent a few days there, visited my father, and discussed what was to be done. It was decided he be moved up to Jersey where his family and friends could be close, and the medical care would be infinitely better, since on the day of our departure to see him, the hospital had lost him for a day. Nearly three years later and he's fine, the two week time-line his doctors in North Carolina gave him was a bit of a miss. He had been living with my sister, and I still had little contact with him. Today I found out he's in the hospital again, and will be going into surgery tomorrow. And like when I heard of his imminent death... I didn't really feel anything.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want my father to die. But the man has not been a part of my life in a very long time, and I've actually made efforts to distance myself from him. My father has a genius level IQ, he was a Marine, a brilliant mechanic, and at heart a cowboy and a biker. He also may have schizophrenia, was kicked out of the Marines for punching a superior officer, could never hold down a job, and was an alcoholic which lead to the cirrhosis of the liver. In his life he did some bad things, he was in and out of jail for drunk driving and fighting, and I remember him being arrested once for punching an undercover cop. This is the man who taught me how to ride a bike, how to throw a baseball and a football, he taught me how to fish, and for that I defended him for years.

Years of my life I remember becoming angry when people spoke ill of my father. I always tried to point out his good when the bad came out. This is the man who raised me, the man I'm named after, I hated to hear him put down, even when it was justified. In my early twenties though, something changed. I started to realize that I was defending a man in his late 40s, a man who would regularly get into brawls at bars, and who would drink while his family was in the car with him, a man who everyone told me I was just like.

That was the driving point, I look like my father, I'm named after my father, but I don't want to be my father. My fathers life is not something to strive for. I put distance between us, determined not to be him, and the unfortunate side effect is a apathy when I hear he might be dying. Like I said I don't want my father to die, but there's so much distance between us now, I don't know how to feel bad for him.

When you're a child your dad is a super hero, as you grow up though you realize he's not, he's just a man. He makes mistakes, and my father has made many. My father is not the greatest man in the world, but he has shown me and my brother nothing but love. We are the two things he is most proud of in his life, but we're not his little boys anymore. I've changed so much in the past few years, and maybe that's why I feel the way I do about my father. Maybe it's not because I've tried so hard not to be him, but because I was successful in not being him. I'm my own man, and I'm not sure my father would like the man I've become.

Maybe I'm just afraid that if he gets to know the man I am, I'll stop being my father's son.

Pretentious Poem That Has No Sense

2010-06-15T15:30:00.002-04:00

The mimicry of insolence,
Calling on one untruth, one horror,
And recalling, resending, revealing;
It's terrifying and persuasive.

So why listen to it
In all it's shaking terrors
And unseen prospects of unending sadness?
Are you so lost?

If you walk away,
Toward the light of unannounced bliss,
Maybe you won't be charmed
Into the falsehood of despair.

Crossing Boarders

2010-06-14T23:24:00.001-04:00

You know, Arizona, I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I stated quite firm that while your anti-illegal immigration tactics were on the borders of morality, they were not inherently evil. One of my commenters even pointed out that I had the early draft of the bill and the legislation was much more reasonable than people were saying. Now what do I hear, Arizona? You're trying to push in a bill that would refuse a birth certificate to children of illegal immigrants born here in the states... I just can't can't find the words to understand that, it's beyond me.

Illegal Immigration has been a topic of discussion over the past couple years, and though it seems to have died down, the good people in charge of Arizona are here to keep the issue hot it seems. You hear it all the time, you hear the term Undocumented Workers from those against harsh immigration laws, you hear the words racist for those for. You hear that they're stealing jobs from Americans, and you hear the counter that it's jobs American's don't want. It confuses me sometimes cause when it gets right down to it... It's illegal.

Now I'm not about to go all hard headed conservative on you here. I'm not going to forget that at some point in the past my own family came blinking into the sunlight off some boat, just looking for a new life. I have nothing but compassion for those who come to this country for the reason of helping their family, they're good people and hard workers. But the problem is my family did it all by the books, and every cent they made they paid taxes. And that's the issue, that's the 'problem' with Undocumented Workers, they don't pay taxes despite living in this country.

Most illegal immigrants, and hear me when I say most not all, come to this country to work and then send money back to their family in their native country. These people take cash, and then do not put it back into our economy. Their dollar doesn't go to funding everything that's needed to make the world around us run, now I'm trying very hard not to come off as some ignorant prig, but it just seems so very wrong to take money you gained from working in one country and not helping the country run through taxes or aiding the economy.

Now I'm not about to be all one sided, I'm not here to generalize, there are many illegal immigrants who do come here and spend the money they make here in America, they still don't pay income tax, but they do put that money back into the economy. But you know what? It's not all that fair to them... These people are paid pittance, they're paid pennies on the dollar for backbreaking labor. They gain no benefits, no health insurance, they have no workman's comp, union protection, or even job security. There is no regulating something that is illegal, and the men hiring these immigrants under the table are taking an unjust profit from it all.

Now I know what many people will say, if we only hire legally, locally processed goods and services will be more expensive, and I can tell you as a man who makes very little money that I'm willing to pony up the dough. Yeah it's nice that those strawberries are so cheap, but what you don't realize is that it's only cheap because a man was slaved away for a 14 hour day picking them and probably only made fifty bucks for it.

Illegal Immigration is illegal, it's illegal for a reason. I know it sounds cruel, I know it sounds elitist. I know that families that come to this country only seek the chance to thrive, and I want them to be able to, but I don't think they should be doing it illegally. Compassion is one thing, but letting it make you blind to a system that hurts the immigrants just as much as it hurts everyone else is not something you should let happen. Whether you think all current illegal immigrants should be made legal or not, something needs to be done to help these people make a fair wage, and help them from breaking the law just to pay for a small home. I'm willing to pay the difference, are you?

Cotton was really cheap back in the day too.

It Fits

2010-06-13T22:50:00.002-04:00

I was going to write an article today but instead this poured out.... Also none of you left suggestions cause you're too busy being awed by the sheer awesomeness of William.

I find myself believing
In what I never did.
The kinds of things I never thought,
Never began conceiving.

I'm stronger now than ever before,
Not that lost little girl.
I'm not afraid of losing them,
Not afraid of myself anymore.

I will wonder this way,
Head high and proud.
I will guide and mold,
Comfort and cherish day by day.

Everything is falling in place,
Shaping just quite right.
And tomorrow is no longer blank,
I can even see her face.

Angry Atheists

2010-06-12T23:09:00.002-04:00

I am an Atheist, and am not shy to say it. I do not believe in the existence of a higher power, god, or spiritual force. I don't believe in ghosts, ESP, psychics, or any book written by a man who believed the words in his head were god. Now what I don't often talk about is how I, when first coming to confirmation of my beliefs, did not want to associate myself as an Atheist. The reason for this is that I didn't really think that a non-belief could be labeled and that most Atheists generally got a bad rap for being loud and boisterous. The reason I bring this up is because I was reading an article written by a Minister who, quite correctly, called out a lot of Atheists for being hypocrites.

The closest thing Atheists have to a figurehead is Richard Dawkins, a brilliant man who I tend to find myself agreeing with many times. He's often seen arguing against any and all organized religion, and believes the abolishment of it would be beneficial to humanity as a whole. He's well spoken, puts reason behind his arguments, and generally seems like a well rounded guy when it comes to his belief. He's not some raging lunatic spewing out half truths he read on some disreputable news source, so whats the problem with him? Well, he's loud. He's very loud, and him shouting how he knows that God cannot exist comes about as well received as the Pope saying condoms should not be used to prevent HIV in Africa because he knows God disapproves. It's two people who know something that cannot truly be known, and while I may side with Dawkins, I'm not about to refute that he does the same thing that any other zealots do.

That was my original problem with Atheism, the zealousy I hated in organized religion being thrown out from the very people I was supposed to identify with. Another came from the people I call the Angry Atheists... These are the people that aren't truly Atheist, they're not people who came to the very personal belief that God doesn't exist through personal exploration and study of the world around them, they came to it because they are angry for some reason. A personal travesty, the atrocities that happen by man or nature, the glaring conflicts from scripture to practice. In essence, these are people who do believe in god, but are upset with him and reject him out of spite. And these are the people who are truly damaging to other non-believers. These are the ones who hoot and howl out at anything even remotely religious, and a reason for a lot of people to just not confirm their beliefs as Atheist, like me.

But I did come around, and realized that a spade is a spade, and I am an Atheist. I'm a man of logic before faith, I need to know there's evidence of something before simply accepting it. And I am not a zealot, I have many times stated that if true proof of the existence of a higher power were to emerge, I'd accept it. When an issue of religion comes up in the news in America, like God in the Pledge or the Ten Commandment's in front of a court house, I don't argue against religion, I argue for the Constitution stating that the Government will show no preference to any faith. I don't hate religious people, I hate zealots, even when they're part of my own group.

But sometimes, and this is only sometimes, I can't blame them. A study from the University of Minnesota found that Atheists are the least trusted minority in America, and adult Atheists make up only 2% of the population in America and is on a steady rise. This is a fairly new phenomena as more people flock to a group that is not truly understood by the majority. When the loudmouthed Atheist flies off the handle after being told he's going to hell for the fiftieth time, can you blame him? I don't condone it, but this is a group of people united by a lack of something trying to get their message out just like anyone else. And with any group of people the loudest and most controversial are the ones who get the spot light, and we level headed many have to shake our head at it. All in all, some people's fist reaction to being poked is to poke back.

“No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God.” George H. W. Bush

Some Lines and Questions

2010-06-11T22:07:00.003-04:00

It's out of control, this spinning wheel of life.
You try to slow it down, dig your heels in, cling to the foundations.
You can't. You won't. You shouldn't, in all honesty.
Why try control something so beautiful, so wild?
Let it go, watch it fly. And follow.

That's all the artsy I have in my system right now.

Will's been writing a lot of great articles lately, important articles....

And I've been.... bleh.

I'm burnt out.

Maybe it's being sick.

Maybe it's actually having a life and a child to look after.

Who knows. I'm tired and I have nothing useful to add to this blog right now.

So maybe I'll try my hand in some articles.

Write about important things, important people, important ideas...

Leave me some suggestions of topics you'd like to hear about.

Or, if none of you do that, I'll just be forced to analyze some philosophy until I get my mojo back.

Here's a parting thought;

The more I learn about this country, this government, these laws and people; the more cynical I seem to get.

Individually, I tend to hope for the best. And when I hear thoughts on black people being inferior, gays going to hell or women being second class citizens; my heart tends to break.

When I thought of intolerance, I never thought I'd think so close to home.

Now here's a question for anyone reading this, Will included:

Is there a place for homophobic thoughts, racist beliefs and sexist ideals in our modern society?
I'm not talking about the people who force these ideas onto others, I'm talking about general beliefs.

Is there room to be tolerant of fear?

Is there room to be tolerant of intolerance?

Leave your thoughts, please. I'd honestly like to know.

Right to Discriminate?

2010-06-10T18:41:00.002-04:00

It's post number one hundred on this little site here and I found myself looking for something really good to talk about. Unfortunately nothing came up in my search, BP continued to pop up, German millionaires volunteering to a Rich Tax, sixteen year old lost at sea... Many interesting topics, but none that jumped out at me, none I felt I could really discuss. Then I found an article, it's topic one I've discussed a few times before, and interestingly enough... I may find myself on the other side.

You see I still don't know how I feel about this story. Up in British Columbia an elderly couple is under fire and being taken to court for discrimination. It seems that they run a Bed and Breakfast, and refused to allow a gay couple to stay in their home. They're Christian and feel that allowing the two men to share a bed in their house would conflict with their personal religious beliefs. It seems at first glance that this is barely an issue, these people are clearly in the wrong, right? Well, I don't know.

We can easily see the counter argument here, that the fact that the two men are gay really shouldn't effect the couple's beliefs in any way, this is a business relationship, and the two men are customers. By refusing to serve them they are in fact pushing their beliefs onto other people, which is generally a bad business practice. I have to wonder to myself if they would allow someone of a different faith into their home, someone Jewish, Muslim, or perhaps a belief system that works with Witchcraft like Wicca. Would these things, that cannot be told about a person without asking, be something the couple wouldn't allow into their home?

I don't think this is really about discrimination, because if it is there's no argument, the couple is blatantly discriminating. I'm more along the lines on whether or not they should be penalized for it. I know, you're thinking I've gone mad, but here me out. Here in the States, a private organization or business can refuse service to anyone as long as it goes against the bylines of that business practice or organization. It's this reason that the Boy Scouts of America can refuse membership to gay, Jewish, or Atheist boys. They're personal bylines state that they feel these attributes do not go along with their own beliefs, and the government cannot force them to accept those people. They should be forced to on the fact they they accept government money and land, but that's a different story.

But how far does this go I wonder? I remember reading a story years ago about a woman of strong faith working at a pharmacy that refused to give out any form of birth control. Now due to her religion, she felt that selling this product would be along the same lines of supporting it... Now this is where the line seems to blur slightly doesn't it? This is a woman of faith, a faith that must be respected, if not agreed with. Wouldn't forcing her to sell Birth Control be intolerant of her beliefs? But she works in a Pharmacy, this is her job... She is being paid by a company to sell their product. Where does the line fall?

Should these people be forced to accept business from a Lifestyle they do not morally agree with, or should they be allowed to run their private business as they please? It's an issue I find myself on the fence with, for as much as I think the couple is wrong for believing what they do, I'm not about to ask the government to force them to think the way I do. But where do the rights of the customers take hold then? They're being refused service based on something they cannot control, which is flat out unfair. Though even if they were able to stay there, they'd be staying at a Bed and Breakfast where the hosts are quite obviously uncomfortable with them, which I think would ruin any real enjoyment of a vacation.

This issue has me waning on my own thoughts, I see the civil rights issue, but I also see the private business issue. I feel myself leaning more towards the civil rights, as I do see business as something that should be static and free of personal beliefs, especially when offering a service to many people, some who will undoubtedly be people you do not find fit with your personal beliefs. But as of now, the B&B is closed, and there seems to be some legal precedent for both sides of this case, and I'm not sure I'll be happy with either side winning.

What do you believe?

The Chance I Waited For

2010-06-09T19:45:00.000-04:00

My love, I saw it all!

Dancing around my head,
The scenes of what will be,
The scenes of what we are,
The scenes of what will come;
They are beautiful.

Small gestures of kindness;
Smiles where there are none,
Grateful sighs and slow kisses,
Embracing for no other reason than to feel,
The small moments that I've craved so long...

From the time I was small,
I dreamed of rain and kissing,
Cold noses and warm cheeks,
Sweet fingers brushing away wet tracks,
Broken words to form such strength.

And now, my love,
I've seen it all,
I've wanted it all,
I've yearned it all,
I've lost it all.

And now, my love,
And now it's there.
In my reach,
In my grasp.
You're offering it to me again.

And now I'll live my dreams, my love.

Ground Zero Tolerance

2010-06-08T19:33:00.002-04:00

As you all know, I've talked about race, religion, and culture over the time that I've been on this site. Now while I may not agree with a lot of people who tout the necessity of these things and may actively argue against them, I try not to have any blind hatred for these people. I never generalize that all people of a particular faith are bad, just those handfuls that use their god's words as a justification for persecution and prejudice. People tho do this, who hate and generalize, they make me sad, they make me angry, so you can just imagine how sickening it is to me to hear about the protesters of the Mosque at Ground Zero.

Now first things first, this Mosque is not going to be at the world trade center site, it's going to be two blocks away. Secondly, it's not really a mosque, it's a Muslim Community Center that will have a Mosque as a part of it. But the simple fact that it shares some general real estate with Ground Zero has people in an uproar. A huge protest was thrown on June 6th and I must say I just couldn't believe it. I mean, it's been nearly ten years now, I know it still hurts but haven't we as a nation come to a clear enough mind to separate Muslims and Terrorists in our collective minds? I thought this, I honestly did. Then I clicked the article.

I found myself staring at a woman holding up a sign, it said "You can build a Mosque at Ground Zero when we can build a Synagogue in Mecca", I was awe struck. My mind reeled at the ignorance of that statement. The 'Yous' and 'Wes' rang out as this woman certainly didn't consider anyone of Muslim faith apart of her small minded world. I went on to the article to read that at this protest, two Egyptian men speaking Arabic were accosted by an unruly mob. They shouted at the men and told them to get out, the two men were able to escape the crowd with the aide of police, and were in fact two Christian men there to protest the Mosque as well.

I have rarely seen such a unabashed showing of hatred and racism in my life. The idea of freedom of religion and practice, the laws governing property ownership, simple human decency to let others live as they will, all of these things blatantly forgotten by these men and women, if they had ever had concept of them after all. I found myself not satisfied by the one article, and moved to another. I read more of the hate and came across the worst quite I have ever read that was spoken with utter honesty... Mark Williams, a Tea Party leader put this on his personal blog "The monument would consist of a Mosque for the worship of the terrorists' monkey-god." And continue to say "In the meantime I have a wonderful idea along the same lines as that mosque at Ground Zero thing… a nice, shiny new U.S. Military Base on the smoldering ruins of Mecca. Works for me!"

My jaw dropped. It literally hung agape as I stared at the words, I couldn't believe it. I was incapable of believing these words came from a human being. I checked the actual blog, and as I could not find these direct quotes, though the articles he post do seems to be 'updated' quite often, he does in fact refer to Islamic people as savages and post disturbing depictions of Muhammad. The sheer hatred in these people sickens me, they look and see terrorists in every person with brown skin. They call anyone Arabic savages, and completely ignore the fact that whatever they happen to believe, that the people building the community center have a right to build whatever they damn well please as long as they have the blessing of the New York City Council, which they do.

I may not agree with the Muslim faith as I do not agree with any other faith. But I'm also not going to stand around and tell these people they don't have a right to build a Mosque, in the same way I won't stand in front of a Catholic and tell them they can't build a Church. It's not right, it's racist in the worst way. These people these horrible horrible people scream terrorists, they're drudging up hatred and fear that I thought was long since gone in the public mind. I thought we were passed this, that America didn't look at an Arabic man standing in a Walmart and wonder if the guy has a bomb strapped to his chest anymore. I thought in the past nine years out collective anger over 9/11 had calmed to the point where we could all be people again.

I guess I was wrong.

Snap!

2010-06-07T23:44:00.002-04:00

Riveting, the human nature that controls,
The instinct of rash emotion and snap judgment.
Even those of us that pride ourselves on being calm,
Being the reasoning creature among insanity,
Fall to the complete overwhelming urge to snap.

I have nothing else to say today besides this;

I am disappointed.

Fresh poetry on Wednesday.

-Manda

Cultural

2010-06-06T21:40:00.002-04:00

In a previous article I alluded that I would one day give my insight on my ideas of culture. For a long while I held off on this one, because I didn't really have any sort of counter ideal to put up against the social norm, but today my mind was centered on the gaming community and more importantly gaming culture. Here we have millions of people all coming together, all finding a common interest. These people from all walks of life, all shapes, sizes, religions, races, all with something to share with each other. They all take pride in their culture, but you know what? It's open to any who wish to join, and that's my problem with Heritage and National Pride.

I am Irish, Irish-German actually, but only a small part German so lets just go with Irish for now. I am American, I am an East Coaster, I am a Jersey Boy, all of these things describe where I come from, none of these things mean anything to who I am. Already I can feel the hatred of some who hold a particular pride in their heritage or region of birth... But why? As the great late George Carlin would say, pride should be reserved for something you achieve, not a happenstance of birth. The fact that my great grandparents were born in Ireland makes me no more Irish than a man who's great grandparent's were born in Africa.

And the very same can be said about the land you were born into. I'm American, and I'm glad I was born here. I do honestly enjoy my country, but I would never show pride in the simple fact that I was born here... I had no control of that. Now I can be proud of America, even though there are times I am not, but to be proud to be an American, well it leaves the unintended implication that it is shameful to be anything else. You have people, as much alike as they are different, beating their chest in their pride, in their invisible link to land. They all draw the sand around each other, and tout how much greater they are than the others.

Culture should not be all inclusive. To draw a line in the sand, to limit a community to one, it simply creates ego and segregation. Culture needs to be about a common interest, not a common birthplace. Culture needs to be about people sharing something, whether it be pride in gaming, food, music, science fiction, sports, or anything else. It should invite new people to keep the culture ever growing and ever evolving. It needs to be something that's as diverse as it is unique.

Now I am not saying that heritage and national cultures are a bad thing, but they're not something to be prideful of, they're something to be respected and explored. But when you're prideful of something that no other can join, that is where hate and racism blossom, to build a community that is made up of one destroys diversity. The idea that where your ancestors have come from has any impact on you as a person today to me is offensive, and the forced ideology that you must therefore have pride in those people you don't know is something I simply cannot comprehend.

Respect who you were, be proud of who you become.

Ode To You

2010-06-05T13:05:00.003-04:00

So life is hard, deal.
So things aren't going your way, change.
So you can't, so you won't, so you don't know how.
So don't.

Close your mouth, open your eyes,
Your mind, your heart,
Stop spewing your rancid quotes
Of sameness, of uneffected monotony.

We get it, you're you,
No qualifier will ever justify.
So don't change, don't live.
Stay the same and wallow.

So I get it, you're you,
But if this pleases you so much,
Why is it a constant string of
Why, why, whys and crying woe to me?

So you get it, you're you,
I'm so happy that this is plain to see.
You've accepted your stature of sameness,
And you plan to let it fester.

So do it, end your life while you're still living.
Or perhaps you never began.
Do it and keep it to yourself.
Because if I can't help you, I don't need the reminders.

It's not that I don't care, I do.
But with every step backwards,
Or every time your feet plant into the dirt,
The pain in my heart is overwhelming.

So do what you have to do,
Don't worry, don't fret, don't change,
Stay how you are and be it always.
But do it in quiet.

But if ever you choose to live again,
To open your eyes, to take a breath,
To start that step you faltered on for so long,
Whisper your humble acquiescence.
And running I will come.

Hate

2010-06-04T16:11:00.002-04:00

Today I'm talking about something I really didn't want to talk about. Manda came up to me with it, and I just shook it off, the video she wanted me to watch was over forty minutes long and was about a anti-homosexuality bill in Uganda (Africa). I didn't wanna watch it or get too involved with the issues for a number of reasons, for one we have enough issues here in America with our inability to simply accept Homosexuality as something not to be feared or hated, it's a bill being passed in an African Nation a place I have shall we say, limited (i.e. None), influence over, and finally I just wanted to play Hitman: Blood Money before work.

But I did watch the video after some goading, and it was... sadly... as expected. It was filled with the same ignorance and hatred as the Anti-Gay people over here. Men stood in front of many and used misinformation and lies to spread their vile hate of others. The only difference between Uganda and America is just how wide spread it has become, that and of course it may lead to death for being gay. Fueling this hatred, this vile act, is of course, Evangelicals.

Many people believe it is a handful of Evangelicals from America that sparked this whole issue, that before them, while being gay in Uganda was by no means a safe life as it was still considered illegal, has now has become deadly as the flames of hatred have fanned across the entire nation. These men came to this country and spoke lies, they spoke hatred, they spoke against their fellow man, all in the name of their god. It amazes me how one line in a book written centuries ago can still influence us today simply because a man named Leviticus said the voice in his head was God.

I felt the twinge of my rage come early in the video when the man, and I use the word man lightly here, who proposed the bill stated that the reason he did it was to protect the children. Again and again we here this argument, and it is always so ludicrous it makes me want to scream. It's a clever trick, actually, to associate something you dislike with something considered morally wrong in nearly all cultures. You say Homosexuality and Pedophilia, and suddenly anyone who happens to like men becomes a pedophile. It's offensive and wrong, plain and simple. Anyone who has looked at the statistics will know that the most common occurrence of pedophilia is adult men and underage girls. And that's only the reported cases, with all these teachers being outed lately, I wouldn't be surprised if adult women and underage boys is higher on the list than gays.

The simple fact is that these people rally against something harmless because of their fantasy. They know they can't truly get anywhere with simply saying 'the Bible says so', so they concoct lies, they slander, they mislead, and they invent. They tell people that gays want your children, that there's a massive Homosexual agenda, that gay sex is deviant and dangerous. They tell people that Homosexuality is completely unnatural, a choice, something that can be fixed and rehabilitated...

And it's all lies. It's the worst kind of lie, hate filled and designed to stir emotion of people not thinking straight. As much as I want to, and I really want to, I can't hate the people of Uganda. They're all being mislead, they're all being told fantastic and simply untrue things about Homosexuality. If I didn't know any better, if I looked upon a man I respected and looked up to, if he told me that Gays were monsters and showed me graphs and pictures of disturbing images... I too would revert to a primal emotional response... The fear, the confusion, the urge to protect myself and those I love. These people are filled with hate, yes, but it's not their fault. They're being fed... They're being lied to. They react quick to what they don't truly understand... And it's those men and women at the top, the people who have the masses trust, the ones who do know better who are the true scum. It's just so sad to see bad people with influence.

I wonder if they'd say Homosexuality was unnatural if they knew that 1500 species of animals practice homosexual relationships?

Expectations and all that jazz

2010-06-03T11:59:00.000-04:00

It seems that expectations are never met, either way.

One is too high; the standard set so the hoops you must jump through trip you more than guide you.

The other too low; want nothing, expect nothing, ask for nothing, receive and have mind blown.

Why can't we ever just have the expectation set for "do your best". And then have that actually meant.

No saying it and then harboring expectations regardless. Secret hopes or beliefs are just.... bullshit.

I know, I know. Human nature blah blah blah, has to happen that way with free thought blah blah blah.

I do it too... but....dammit....

I'm pissed, ok?

I'm sick of being thought of like an incompetent idiot by the same people that expect the sun and the moon to shine out of my fucking ass.

Look me in the eye,
Tell me what you really think.
The truth might hurt more,
But at least then you don't have to blink.
Those tears, they are refreshing,
The cool path they run on my heat.
They may seem utter sadness to you,
But to me, they are relief you just can't beat.

Trace the lines on my face,
They are welcome; wrinkle or salt.
So when you see my reaction to your truth,
There is no wrong, no fault.
So, hearing this testimony,
Do you still wish to pump more lies.
Doing so would mean the end of our song,
And the beginning of the terrible goodbyes.

Growing. It's tiresome, to say the least.

Weird Science

2010-06-02T21:30:00.002-04:00

Earlier today I walked downstairs to grab some dinner, after putting the barbecued chicken into the Microwave, I plopped down onto the couch and watched the tail end of Mythbusters with my mother. The episode seemed to be about the usage of pressurized air and gunpowder as a propulsion method and fuel respectively, both being obvious failures in the experiments, but entertaining enough as Mythbusters tends to be. Then another show came on, a sinister show, a show that has no place upon the Discovery channel, a channel that touts itself as a station that promotes the spread of knowledge. This show was Weird or What?

Weird or What purported to explore strange events that were unknown, unexplained by conventional science. A big fan of science, I already felt a bit of a twinge in my eye. My dinner was waiting though, and I had to send it through a second spin in the microwave already, so I got up and took my food upstairs. Though on my way up I heard them talk about the first item on this show, the idea that someone else discovered the Americas before Columbus. I thought to myself, well yeah... duh, the Vikings were there ages before Columbus, they just didn't care enough to stake out any land. But oh no, this show had a different idea... The Chinese!

What followed was silly assumptions brought on by negligible evidence. Stone Anchors being the only real showings. I was rolling my eyes already at the assertion that a Chinese boat, which a historical expert stated could never stand travel across any broad ocean, would make it across the Pacific. Then the show threw me as I realized they were in fact talking about the Chinese landing on the east coast! There was nothing to show any signs of legitimacy in any of these arguments, the theorists only providing circumstantial evidence, including a medallion the man 'found' buried somewhere in North Carolina.

And despite the fact that the evidence was lacking, and that some of these people were trying to force their preset theories to fit the available information, this show continued to put to the viewer the possibility of truth in any of this. The show continued on to examine the 'legitimacy' of organs like hearts retaining memories that are transferred to donor recipients, the idea that a man who was struck by lightning is somehow drawing the lightning strikes as opposed to being a victim of poor circumstance, and something that would give M. Night Shyamalan's schlock of a movie The Happening some credence... are plants sentient.

As I watched this show I was literally driven into a fury. I screamed at my television that the circumstances of the man's life was the most likely cause of his constant dealings with lightning, that the cluster of nerves in organs couldn't possibly store any memory and that muscle memory does not work that way, and that using a polygraph test on a plant to measure emotional stress was the most ludicrous application of equipment I have ever seen. This whole show screamed at me something I despise, something I hate, something I rally against... Bad science.

People who use science in the same way most of us would use a stick shift, incorrectly. People who use equipment in ways it wasn't intended to, like Ghost Hunters using an EMP meter. People who come to a conclusion first, and then search for the evidence that makes their preset determination work and only seem to search for evidence to disprove other theories like Creationists. People who use completely unmeasurable and untestable pseudo-scientific sounding principals to explain their extraordinary 'natural' abilities like psychics and telekinetics.

These people are con men, and charlatans in the worst way. They, unlike those in the past, aren't pointing at supernatural events and claiming magic, god, aliens, and ghosts... They aren't using words the common man can dispute. These people are using the language of science to give their half truths and outright lies credence. They are using the language of science to convince otherwise well minded people who simply do not understand how their methods are wrong. These people anger me more than anyone who simply claims 'God/Wizard/Xenu did it' because they can actually be taken seriously. These people actually become something of merit when compared to legitimate science.

The worst thing is that it can be done accidentally. They're ignorance of the actual progression of the Scientific Method allows them to feel they are being scientific, that they are actually progressing their ideas and theories. This may be more understandable, but isn't any better. A liar of accidence is no less dangerous than a liar of purpose. These people point at their half studied findings and belt out their untruth, and the problem, the huge problem, is that a lot of people will take them as bare fact. And that's dangerous.

And it's on again. Fuck.

Smile

2010-06-01T16:18:00.003-04:00

It's not the same,
The happiness and laughter,
The conversations and uncomplicated ease.

I know things are different,
I'm not what you wanted,
I'm not who you need anymore.

But smile, dear, smile for me.
Smile for our past, for what we could have been.
Smile for me, m'dear. Smile.

Release the breath, hold onto the memories,
Without them, without those; it was all for nothing.
But I am... Sorry, I mean. I'm so, so sorry.

So smile, dear. Smile for me.
Remember our ease, what we had before.
Smile for me, m'dear. Smile.

Forced Family

2010-05-31T22:26:00.002-04:00

Way back when we first started this little site Manda discussed how important her family was to her. Back then she also wanted each of out sequential articles to be related in some way. As you can see that has not been the case, but now I've decided to throw my hat in on this whole Family thing, mostly inspired by this weekend's barbecue where they were all nice and present. And I have to say, in all honesty, I don't like my family...

In fact, I rather dislike the most of them. Now qualifiers need to be stated, I am only talking about my distant family, I love each and every single person who lives with me in my household, why? Cause those are the people I've grown with, the people who have been in my life from day one. But my uncles, my aunt, cousins, and to a small degree even my sister... Well, I don't want anything to do with them. Whenever these people are here I holed up in my room, I avoid them at all cost. All interaction is as limited as possible. Little words, no eye contact, avoid shaking hands.

Now you may be thinking that I'm cold, that I'm so rude and disrespectful. This is my family! I should love them all because they're who I come from. I have to ask... why? Why do we expect people to endure people they would in any other circumstance despise simply because there is some limited genetic link between them? My relatives outside of my household are people I would never associate with in any way if we were strangers. If I met these people on the streets, I would genuinely dislike them...

Family to me is not blood. My mother's husband may not be my father but he is more family to me that my aunt or uncles will ever be. He is someone I often disagree with, we have different viewpoints on many issues, and we have gotten into heated arguments over the years that I've known him, but I know he's a good man and that is what makes him my family. The entire idea that being linked by blood means anything is ridiculous to me, when it's so much more meaningful to be linked by life. Your family shouldn't be the ones your expected to love, they should be the ones you've come to love over time.

Blood is thicker than water, but water tastes a lot better.

Loopholes, They Are Sexy

2010-05-30T18:30:00.002-04:00

The roads to hell,
To suffering, pain,
Admonishment and broken minds,
Are not lined with gold
Or paved with pleasant gifts.

The roads to heaven,
To acceptance, peace,
Achievement and completeness,
Are not lined with ash
Or built in sorrow and hatred.

Nothing is completely polar,
Things are never what you are told.
Do not have preconceived notions
Do not let the world surprise you.
Give in. Let go. Free-fall.

So.. no punishment because we didn't FORGET to post. Posts were unable to be put up do to lack of internet.

We continue as normal.

Ask, Tell

2010-05-27T22:22:00.002-04:00

I'm going to admit something, I had nothing today. I really did not know what I was going to talk about. I scoured my news sites, looking for a topic to talk about, and I was about to give up. Then I refreshed the page, and saw it, I saw history being made. I saw the article in which the House of Representatives in a majority vote of 234-194, repealed Don't Ask Don't Tell. I was shocked, in awe, I was proud, and I was happy. Then of course that little nibbling sensation came to me and asked 'What took so long?'

The appeal will be implemented some time in 2011, and marks a bit of a changing point in America. And it's not just about acceptance, it's not just about equality and civil liberties, this is about common sense. I remember the stories a few years back about a number of gay translators being removed from service. I remember these men who provided an invaluable service, that of translating a language others could not speak, were being thrown out of the army for something that was not of their control. We were losing these men, these invaluable men, for being themselves.

The real problem with Don't Ask, Don't Tell is that it at first sounds so reasonable. If you simply don't tell people you're gay, you won't be thrown out, nobodies going to inquire so you can serve just as much as any other person. The problem is that it's unjust and unfair, no other person is being asked to hide who they are. The problem, the real problem, is it's not asking gay men to not tell they're gay, it's asking them simply not to be gay.

For the entirety of these men's service, they cannot let on that they are gay or they will be discharged. For years they will have to resist their very natural attraction to any man, enlisted or not, in fear of being discovered. It's the 1970s all over again, except this time gays are hiding for their right to defend this country, and not to keep themselves from being persecuted. I'm not going to beat my chest and be ignorant and state that asking a gay man to not be gay is like asking a black man to not be black... It is possible to actually hide the fact that you are gay, obviously, but the simple truth of this matter is that these people are being asked to sacrifice more than any other enlisted man, they're being asked to sacrifice themselves before they even finish boot camp.

Allowance does not mean no discrimination, it does not mean equality, it does not mean that one man is worth the same as another. The asking of gays to jump through hoops to attain something a straight person can have without issue is in the news all the time as of late with jobs, marriage, and service to this country. It's amazing that we can exist in this time, and only just now fix one of these problems. I'm happy this appeal has seemingly gone through, I await for it to be implemented, and maybe lead to narrowing that gap between gay people and the rest of the nation.

Though, a good way to start would be for most to stop thinking of them as gay people, and just as people.

The End

2010-05-26T22:42:00.002-04:00

This is my last day of punishment and I have NOTHING to write about.

Here we go!

I won't say everything is good, cause it's not.
Things are up, things are down,
It's life. It's living.
But, somehow, those little annoyances validate.
They make everything more intense.

Because, in what fucked up sense,
Can a world of all one-sided feeling
Be better than a world of topsy-turvy
Ups and downs, expressions; pain
Love and exploration?

That's all I have. I'm tapped. I need a day off.

Back to you, Will.

Ranty Poem Thing!

2010-05-25T22:52:00.004-04:00

Is an open mind the key to an open heart,
Or does it lack any connection?
Are we all just wandering, aimless and disadvantaged?
No point, no thought, no chance?
Oh dear god, I hope not.

Because, to me, it would seem
That there would have to be a point to living.
Why else would philosophers moon
And the singers croon over the meaning?
A valid point, you know.

But the general mind disagrees,
Calls me a fool for bothering to wonder.
Tells me to let it go, because I'll never know
Even if there was some grand scheme of things.
How upsetting... or accurate?

There is no chance to wonder.
We can never pause living to think.
Whether you choose to know or you let it all go,
Either way, it's all just a guess.
Very true.

So what is the point of this poem?
Wondering if there is reason to wonder?
There is always the thought because we are taught
That "what is the point" is the greatest question of all.
Pffft.

Yeah, I don't know what that was.

I'm tired, I'm all broken up inside my head-box-thing.

Maybe once I pump out my to do list and my grocery list and actually get it all done before Thursday, theeeennnnnnnn I'll have a real brain.

Cause I'm a real girl!

Yay!

One more day, one more day, one more day, one more day, one more day.

Open

2010-05-24T23:55:00.000-04:00

When you say you almost say it,
It sets my mind ablaze
When you say you almost do it,
It drives me to the edge

When you say you almost meant it,
It strikes me through the heart.
When you say you almost felt it,
It fills me with hope.

You're not what I thought,
Nor what I hoped.
You're less,
You're more.

But when you look at me that way,
With gaze so settled and face so lost,
Like you know, like you see something I've missed,
It scares me.

Teach me to trust again,
Show me how to see you.
Let me learn how to open up,
And when I can truly be yours

All Questions Have Answers

2010-05-23T14:45:00.002-04:00

When you find that you
Know more of what you are not
Than what you are, run.

When you are not what you were,
When you live and you defer,
When your mind is all blank,
When you have no one to thank...
Is it easy?

If you had stayed by my side,
If you hadn't run to hide,
If you knew not to idly amble,
If you didn't leave in shambles...
Could we have lasted?

While you're off in your world,
While you're plans all unfurled,
While you wince at the smoke,
While you cough, cry and choke....
Do you regret?

Did you realize it's the past,
Did you know we couldn't last,
Did you dash while you were able,
Did you find something else stable...
Now that you're gone?

Are you writing that book,
Are you still a bad cook,
Are you tossing and turning,
Are you missing or yearning...
Somehow I doubt it.

While you were gone,
Someone else came along.
Showed me how to live,
Told me I have everything to give.
So I guess it was your loss.

Best. Haiku. Ever.

2010-05-22T14:09:00.003-04:00

I.... have nothing to write todayyyyy.

I think I'm just tired.

Who knew being freakin' happy could be so exhausting!

But, onward!

Day three of punishment!

So uh.. let's try some poetry, shall we?

Blah blah blah blah flower
Blah blah blah blah sadness
Blah blah blah blah hope
Blah blah blah blah change
The end.

No, really. I've got nothing.

Things are so dizzy in my head, in my chest, in my stomach right now.

I'm so thrilled about some things, very upset about others.

I want to laugh and cry at the same time.

I'm gaining something new, losing something important.

Where is my balance?

Maybe it WAS better just to be numb.

No it wasnt.

I know it wasn't.

Anyway...
I need writing topics. So this doesn't happen again. Leave me some random comment to help!

This post really sucked,
I'm sorry for that I swear,
I'll try harder..... Dude.

Best. Haiku. Ever.

Hope

2010-05-21T20:01:00.004-04:00

A light went out,
Flickering until it lost the will.
It figured; ah the end,
And still it stood;
Dark.

Years and months,
Hours and minutes,
Seconds. Moments.
Not a movement.
Not a shadow.

Then, there it was!
Something brighter than light,
More alive than shadow,
Faster spreading than darkness.
Hope.

It lit.
It spread.
It consumed.
It conquered.
It dwelled.

What resistance could be found,
For something born in purity?
Nothing.
For it is, indeed, hopeless
To hope against hope.

Day two of punishment. I have to write for *edit* SEVEN days straight.
And yeah, I know my poem got a little uh.... iffy towards the end there. I'm in a weird mood. VERY tired.

If you have any adjectives or nouns to throw at me, please leave a message after the tone.

Oh Shit....

2010-05-20T19:46:00.003-04:00

So... I did something stupid.

I forgot to post yesterday.

And Will just LOOOOOVED rubbing my face in that one. =P

He still hasn't assigned me a punishment, but I'm sure whatever it is it will be just as vindictive as whenever I get the chance to do it to him.

On the brighter side, I've been having an amazing couple of days.

So much laughing and smiling and blushing.... and on top of it all, a little bit of fear.

When is it alright to be afraid?

When you're in danger, when you realize something horrible; those are given, right?

But what about major life choices. The big milestones.

The "holy crap. I'm growing up" moments.

When you realize that.... things are going to change. One way or another.

And when is it alright for you to jump head first into that feeling?

I am not a reckless person, all of you reading this blog known that about me.

I don't take stupid chances or make any decision without thinking it through completely and without any corner left unscowered.

And here I am.
Terrified out jof my mind.

Because I KNOW things are about to change.

But you know what, I'm alright with that.

Changes are what drive us forward, right....

Nothing is constant.
Everything is change.
Energy in never-ending, all consuming movement.

So if nothing stays the same, maybe it's time to be a little reckless.

Will let you know when I get my punishment.

Love you all!

What Powers You?

2010-05-18T20:59:00.003-04:00

So the Deepwater Horizon oil spill is a bit of an issue as of late. With this comes a plethora of debates as to what to do, who's fault it is, and exactly how much oil is being pumped into the ocean a day. Whether they eventually decide on a few hundred thousand gallons or a few million gallons, there does seem to be a general consensus... That this spill as it stands now, is going to cause massive amounts of ecological damage. This terrible incident has put into the minds of many that maybe oil is bad and there needs to be another solution.

Now I'm not about to get all hippy about this. I understand that alternative fuel is a subject that is a lot more complex than many people would like to admit. Electrical power is not the solution as it does not get us off our dependence of oil. Electricity comes from generators that run on petroleum based fuel. The only difference is you're not getting the oil from the tap at a gas station, think of that the next time you charge up your hybrid.

Solar and Air power are still in their infancy, too small and inefficient for our daily needs. Fusion is a pipe dream years away from any applicable usage, and hydro power is dependent on massive amounts of running water, which needs to be dammed. So whats the answer, how can we remove our dependence on oil in the near future? It would seem there is no other option, but there is. Nuclear Power.

The 1950s is known as the atomic age, people believed that with atomic and nuclear power, we would enter a new age of power and technology. Unfortunately there was the cold war, America and Russia went on mass making nuclear weapons, tainting this source of power to forever be associated with destruction. With this taint, a movement in the 1970s associated with the Green Party made a mission of getting Nuclear Power Plants shut down. While they did not get the plants shut down, they did make it illegal to produce new plants.

This whole movement was based on misinformation and exaggeration, Three Mile Island and Chernobyl were used as poster children to show how dangerous nuclear power was. This made their point solid despite the fact that to this day there have been no death, illness, or ecological damage connected to Three Mile Island, and Chernobyl took place in an economically bankrupt Soviet Russia that could not afford tanks, let alone proper maintenance on a Nuclear Power Facility. Despite all of this, a powerful and almost unchangeable paranoia was connected to Nuclear Power, but now is really the time for the reemergence.

Right now there are about a hundred and three plants currently operating in the United States, and as I have mentioned the building of new plants was banned almost fifty years ago. Even with how safe our existing plants really are, there are new, safer, more efficient plants we cannot build. If we lifted this ban, with a couple hundred plants, we could remove our dependence on non-automotive oil, and within a few short years, be completely free of foreign oil. This would end up drastically changing the world economy and international relations, as well as lighten our imprint on this world.

Safety, of course, is what comes up when this issue is brought to life. As safe as we can make it, Nuclear Power Plants still produce radioactive waste. Currently this waste is stored at the individual sites, but a receptacle is currently being built in Yucca Mountain, Nevada. This miles deep hole would act as a place to store radioactive waste as oppose to storing it in the individual facilities, which as of now have limited amount of space. This hole in the ground, built specifically to hold this waste in a safe manner, is currently slated to be operational in 2014, if it doesn't have it's funding cut, something of which the Obama administration is trying to do.

And if you mention the dangers of attack, well, you're living in fear. I'll admit it's a possibility, however unlikely, but can you really hide behind that rationale? Can you tell me we shouldn't build skyscrapers now due to the threat of attack? The irrational fear of attack comes with any and everything, and sometimes we just have to brave the risk and accept we cannot know everything. But think of this, we currently now have over a hundred Nuclear Power Plants active, and there have been no attacks.

Sixty years ago man envisioned and enlightened age of atomic power. An energy source seemingly limitless, a power that we could produce with no foreign dependence. It was tainted, warped, and twisted by a militant arms race and misinformed environmentalists. But it's still a possibility, we hear the same old story of man seeking out an alternative energy source, when in fact it was discovered decades ago. Now, here today, we have the ability to make that power even better, safer, more efficient. But we're held back by our unjust fear and ignorance. This solution is not only available, but viable. So why aren't we using it?

The people around the Gulf of Mexico wouldn't oppose Nuclear Power if it would have prevented what's happening there today.

Changes In Reflection

2010-05-17T22:19:00.001-04:00

When I was little
I played by a pond
The most beautiful pond I could know.

I played princess and traveler,
Made stories of love,
The fantasies oh so real.

When I was little,
I thought a kiss was the end,
The story need not go any further.

I thought it was to meet,
To fall, to love, to kiss.
The end, no more

When I grew older,
I kept my hopes,
Thinking a kiss could solve it all.

I dreamt and I waited,
Knowing it had to be so.
Just a kiss and that's all I would need.

When I grew older,
I found out the truth.
A kiss is not the fix.

I opened my eyes,
Took a good look around.
And realized there is so much more than a kiss.

But when I was little,
I played by a pond.
The most beautiful pond I could know.

I returned to that pond,
Looked around it once more,
And realized it was all just a dream.

Schindler's Law

2010-05-16T20:59:00.002-04:00

Well, I've certainly been in a cheery mood as of late, haven't I? Maybe I should switch up my game a bit, talk about something a little more upbeat. Maybe I should get out of this funk and discuss something uplifting and happy. Go back to my roots and speak on motivation and drive rather than real world issues and depression. Make something that puts a smile on your face... or I can talk about Arizona's new law regarding immigration.

Yes it's been the talk of the internet for a while now, a bill that takes some unorthodox methods of enforcement. The bill has struck up massive amounts of controversy all over the country, people are angry, and the level of foolishness is really growing on both sides here. The bill basically states that all immigrants within the state must carry their residency card and identification on them at all times. It goes on to state that a police officer may question any person they believe to be an illegal immigrant at any time without cause. The logic here is that this will help cull on the number of illegal immigrant's within the state, and dissuade laborer's from hiring illegals.

The counter is quite obvious. They scream racism, they make remarks to Nazi Germany, they are in a word, upset. The two sides of the argument have become so overblown I really did not want to throw my hat in and associate with either side of this debate, the people in this argument are so red faced, they seem to be blinding themselves to their own interpretations. People at the heart of this argument lobby insults and accusations over the line from the hip, they don't allow themselves to calm, they just try and shout over each other.

I'm going to say this point blank, this law isn't racist. I know, you're shocked, how can it not be Racist? It's a bill that specifically targets Mexican Immigrants, and that's Racist. Well, no... The problem is that I see no real intent, and without intent, it's not racism. What it is, though, is profiling. Now you may say that profiling is just a stones throw away from racism, there is a vast difference between the two. Here we have people bleating that this is an attack against Mexicans, against Latinos, against a people! No, it's not. Stop saying that.

This is not an attack on Latinos, it is an attempt to better spot people living in this illegally. Now, say what you will about your opinions on illegal immigrants or undocumented workers, whatever term you prefer, but the simple truth of the matter is they are not here legally. These are people who are not paying taxes, people who tend to send money back to Mexico and not here which does not aide the Economy, and undercut legal working wages by so much that legal citizen's cannot get certain employment. Now, what to do with this, whether we send them all back or legalize all immigrant's currently living here is a completely different issue. This is about a bill that is not racist...

It's just stupid.

I'm not sure what they were thinking over there in Arizona, but this law is just massively wrong. The difference between racism and profiling may be great, but they're both generally wrong. Here we have a police officer that can now, at any time, walk up and accost you without cause. They can demand you to hand over identification and proof of citizenship or residency. This is of course a massive invasion of privacy and civil rights. The cops cannot do anything to you without cause, otherwise would be persecution without evidence, which is very much wrong.

I can see what this law is trying to accomplish. The problem is that illegal immigration is such a heavy issue, with so many sides and complexities that it cannot just be solved. You cannot give yourself the unjust power to search these people out and throw them on a truck back home, especially not when this power is a direct injustice to people who are here legally, and therefore have the right to be protected from the government sticking their nose into their lives without just cause.

Honestly, the people on both sides of this issue annoy me somewhat. With people screaming racism and fascism without even realizing that illegal immigration, whatever your viewpoint of it is, is illegal. The other side throws back the need to protect the working class citizen, to keep employers from hiring illegally, without even contemplating that the ends do not justify the means. It's all mind numbingly insane, and makes me just want to shake my head until it all blows over.

But then, Manda made me talk about it today.

Wish It Was Simple

2010-05-15T21:30:00.002-04:00

Where were you that night,
When the screams came,
When the tears fell,
When the world ended?

Where were you,
When I was the walking dead,
When I was the empty eyes,
When I was the abused?

Oh, I know where you were,
You were hiding.
You were afraid.
You were standing idly by, watching my demise.

I know where you were,
You liar, betrayer.
Disloyal. Gone but there.
You let me down.

You want to come up now,
Now that the dust has settled.
Now that I am free and able.
Now that it's clear.

You want in.
You want out.
You want a voice.
You want to fix it.

You can't.
Why?
Where were you when I needed you?
Where were you?

I will never forgive you.,
Because you lost yourself.
I lost myself.
And I don't know how to find me again.

Dug in Deep

2010-05-14T09:59:00.002-04:00

I'm writing now, at ten in the morning, not because I'm a responsible guy who wants to get his duties done right quick, but because I'm pretty sure that by the time I get home from work I will be too exhausted to think, let alone write coherently. I've been up since nine last night, which has left me a lot of time to think over some things. I'm not in a great position right now, with ten hour work weeks, bills that continue to pile up, and the desire to have at least a little money for myself creating serious budgeting issues. I find myself with two dollars in my bank account, and a disconnected cell phone. My last two cable bills had to be paid by someone in my family, and I have yet to pay back the two hundred dollars I owe between my step-father and brother.

I'm in a hole, packed in so tightly I can barely move. I can't get more scheduled hours, and despise taking cover shifts. Prospects of another job are slim and would only lead to another position where I despise the notion of walking into work. I don't have the money to pay off my expenses and have a little on the side for myself, and it's starting to get to me. Life can do that, when everything seems to collapse in on you at once. You find yourself in a position where forward seems almost impossible, where life just seems to stop you from progressing. It's hard, at these times, to find some footing, you have so much to deal with, where is the first step?

It's in these times, these harrowing times of overwhelming odds, that finding that first step is so crucial. You may find it hard to move forward, but it's the only way to go. You can't stay where you are or the world will eventually suffocate you. But more important than taking that first step forward, is taking a step back. Find your footing, steel yourself, and start climbing out of that hole. It's gonna be hard, it's not gonna be fun, but with some hope, you'll find yourself in a better place soon enough.

I have had a rough couple of weeks. My financial and employment woes have taken a toll on me emotionally, frustration and erratic work has left me with a horrible sleep cycle. I feel sullen and dull, I lash out at my friends. I have a choice to make, two options. I can stay where I am, I can budget myself even more strictly, hope that the money I pull in can keep up with the bills, hope that something unexpected doesn't come up. Or, I can grit my teeth and move forward, start taking more cover shifts, start saving instead of budgeting...

Really, just dig my foot in and start climbing out of this hole.

Draw A Line

2010-05-13T21:15:00.001-04:00

Things were different then,
All laughs, smiles and glowing eyes.
Thought we could make it through anything.
We had no idea what we were up against.

Liars, thieves, stolen dreams;
They were what we found.
And as we watched,
Our naive natures got ripped apart.

But would we go back,
To the empty feeling of general happiness?
Become unaware again,
Unknowing of the truth in matters.

Is it better to splendor in ignorance,
Blissfully unaware of the pain, of reality?
Or to suffer, to waste, to overcome,
To know what it is we face and to beat it, head on?

Things are different now,
All tired glances, tilted lips and dull eyes.
But now we know we can make it through anything.
We faced the horrors and know what we're up against.

Are you the President? Theres an App for That.

2010-05-12T21:29:00.002-04:00

So President Obama said some interesting things the other day, coming out against instant media. The target of his speech were devices such as the Xbox 360, the Playstation 3, Iphones, and Ipads. He seemed to be going against what is essentially the evolution of news and media from sources like newspapers and television to the internet. This whole issue baffled me since a large portion of Obama's campaign was Internet based. Here is the man who stated that he would use sites like YouTube to give the people more access to the daily workings of the White House, create transparency, and give us all some hand in molding our own government.

This only baffled me for a moment until I started to read into the article a bit more. From the quotes, the President seems to be chiding not the devices or the internet itself, but how easy misinformation can be spread. But I have to say, it still seems like smacking the man who gave you your golden ticket. With statement's like "With iPods and iPads and Xboxes and PlayStations, -- none of which I know how to work -- information becomes a distraction, a diversion, a form of entertainment, rather than a tool of empowerment, rather than the means of emancipation" it becomes clear that he's not necessarily against the devices, but how the information is taken in.

I can't help but disagree with the man, who boldly claims he has no idea how these devices actually work. Yes there is a danger in misinformation, for a small trivial issue to snowball into a huge mess of misinformed sheep bleating out on something they don't understand, but this massive access to information from anywhere provides something that is so much greater than the risk. The massive amount of information to be accessed at any given time gives all of us the ability to fact check for ourselves, I can read about an issue, and actually go on to study it. I couldn't do that twenty years ago without a 15 minute drive and a library card.

It's all about having common sense, or as I like to call it, a BS Filter. The ability to be grossly misinformed by a nonofficial news source forces people to question what they're told, to see for themselves what is true, and what isn't, as opposed to having to take the talking head's word for it. This massive availability of information allows us all to be involved, to know whats happening in more than just our own backyard. We can at any time find out what the weather is, who was in that movie we're thinking of, what the traffic report is, and what our government is doing that may effect us.

These tools of instant information are not polluting out minds, these devices are not for entertainment, they're tools for us to learn. Obama went on to say how important being informed was, that knowledge is too important to be trivialized as entertainment. I have one thing to say to Obama right now... Learn. Learn how these tools are used. Pick up an iPad and go searching for an American History text book, take out an iPhone and go to WhiteHouse.gov, grab an Xbox controller and play a game of Call of Duty so you can know that it is for entertainment, and doesn't sensationalize knowledge. Realize, please, that these devices you're talking about are doing the exact thing you're asking us to do, keeping us informed and giving us the knowledge we need.

Just remember to keep that BS Filter on.

I... really don't know what this is.

2010-05-11T13:20:00.003-04:00

I remember who I was.
I know who I am.
I fear who I will become.
Hold onto hope or hang your head in the tradition of lost causes.
There is no middle ground anymore, if there ever was.
It is lost.
Don't follow its footsteps.

Life is a lesson.
Life is a test.
Life is an answer.
Life is everything.

There is no glory in death without someone left behind to behold it.
There is no honor in loss without a witness.
Without glory, without honor... is there purpose?

And without purpose, how can we dare to hope?

If life is everything,
And hope is life;
Hope is everything.
Don't lose it.

Whats your Type?

2010-05-10T20:52:00.003-04:00

Some time ago, a Puerto Rican family moved two houses down from me. This statement would hold no real significance if you didn't know where I lived. I live in a very conservative, very white suburb. This has caused me to roll my eyes, and have more than one shouting match with my family, who are a bit... racist. It boggles my mind, it angers me, it is just incomprehensible how someone can judge another by something so... pointless, as their ethnic background. But you know what annoys me slightly more? The thing that just makes me sigh? People living into stereotype.

Now let me make this perfectly clear, and the fact that I must make this statement annoys me. I am not talking about culture, my opinions on that little subject can wait. What I am talking about are people, of any race, living into their negative stereotype. Essentially, the people who justify the racist, the people who the racist point at and shout out to the world how right they were. The people who, to put it shortly, ruin it for everyone else.

Racism is a terrible thing, there are few things less worthy to be than a racist. But I can at least, if not understand, than see where it comes from. My family doesn't hate minorities, they interact with them the same as any other person, they're not out in front of out ethnic neighbor's yard with a burning cross, they simply carry with them unjust prejudice. It's something they grew up with, their parents, a society of segregation, taught my parents, who taught my older brother. The only reason I wasn't brought up the same way is because I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood. Their wrong, sure, but it wasn't born out of hate but ignorance and fear.

But I can't help but shake my head at people who do stupid things that play into the already preset mindset of people who are racist. Here we have a Latino family moving into a predominantly white town, they're already going to be watched with narrowed eyes. Now does this mean that these people should change themselves to fit someone's ideal? Of course not! There's no reason that anyone should change their ways for someone else.

But then simple courtesy should tell you not to have loud parties lasting till one in the morning...

As well it would be wise not to have loud arguments at six in the morning on a Sunday, brandishing a bat, in front of someone else's house. I watched and shook my head as this took place, watched as a cop rolled in, which was the only thing to put a stop to it. As I walked back upstairs when my curiosity abated, I heard my mother chide in about how they should 'Go back to New Brunswick.' I sighed, and while hating my mother's statement, hated how wrong it was to say, I couldn't help but think about how these people were justifying my families ignorance.

I'm not talking anyone who is Puerto Rican, or anyone Latin or remotely Spanish, I'm talking about a select few here. And isn't that whats at the basis of racism? Focusing on those few that do not, but end up, representing an entire people? Think about how many people bleated out that the only reason Barack Obama won was because of all the black people who only voted for him because he was black. It's an ignorant statement right? Yes, but... there are those few, that handful of black people, who did just that. Racism is something I hate, it's humanities weakness personified. It's ignorance and fear combined into one hate filled and sometimes dangerous emotional response. But what makes me boil over all the more is the people who do just as much to damage race relations as the racists themselves, they don't have the excuse of ignorance and fear. They're just... People.

Also with that logic, why didn't Al Sharpton win in 2004?

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T15:36:00.003-04:00

Mother, you bore me,
You held me,
You loved me.
And I said nothing.

Mother, you clothed me,
You fed me,
You bathed me.
And I said nothing.

Mother, you spoke to me,
You hugged me,
You rocked me.
And I said nothing.

Mother, you taught me,
You showed me,
You sheltered me.
And I said nothing.

Mother, I thank you,
I need you,
I love you.
And now I wish to show you.

For as each passing day makes its mark on my past, it brings me nearer to understanding.
And as the understanding dawns, my respect for you grows and matures.
As I draw closer to this day, the day when it is my turn to show you my love in the most constant way possible,
I learn. I watch. I feel. And I weep.
I could only ever hope to be half the woman, the mother, the friend, the listener, the wife, the human being you are.

You have made me unafraid to be myself.
You have taught me to love others for who they are.
You have guided me through hard times and simple.
You have loved without condition.

You yell at me when I do stupid things, out of love and fear.
I remember the time you were so worried; I fell down the stairs and you ran and grabbed me and shook me seeing if I was ok. Your nails hurt worse than the wood on my back. But I didn't mind, it meant you loved me.
You weren't always a person, you were a dream, a mystery, a worthy foe, a protector, a legend, a hero.
Now I see that you are not. You are mortal after all.
It makes you all the more impressive, Mom.

Mommy, I love you.
I always have.
I always will.
After all, I learned from the best.

Half Empty/Full

2010-05-08T16:22:00.002-04:00

15. A pessimist is one who has been compelled to live with an optimist.- Elbert Hubbard

People often call me a pessimist, which confuses me. I always try and correct them and tell these people that I'm a realist, which as I understand, most pessimists do. But the thing is, I'm not a pessimist, I'm simply too analytical to be an optimist. I don't think everything will become worse, that everything I try will fail, nor do I think life is generally miserable. I simply don't blindly assume everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows.

Optimists are strange people to me, they confuse me. I just can't ration how it pays to be that way all the time without getting bit in the ass for it. To be so unendingly positive that you outright refuse to allow yourself to see the negatives. People who don't allow themselves to complain, to bitch, to just generally feel something negative. But here's the thing, they don't just ignore the negative, they blindly accept it as well. Looking on the bright side means putting up with the bad, and it's in this vain that people can start to become pessimistic around optimists.

The man who refuses to look at the negative, at all, forces someone else to. There's a problem, obviously, but the optimist is just going to try and find the goodness in it. But that doesn't fix the problem, it's just brushing it under the rug, someone has to go and say it's there under that rug. This person, now acknowledging the problem, is unwittingly focused solely on it, simply because the optimist refuses to see it at all.

I'm going to make a bold proclamation. There is no advancement with optimists, nobody who looks at only the bright side will try and fix something. No optimist neanderthal ever had a problem with the hunter gatherer method of life, they just said "at least we're getting good exercise!" It was the pessimist, the guy who was annoyed at following elk for thousands of miles, and hoping the fruit picked from a random tree wouldn't be poisoned, that decided one day to capture an animal and plant a tree. He that day invented farming and livestock, he was the one who would allow humans to settle in one place.

And he did it cause he focused on what sucked.

Fate and Belief

2010-05-07T16:55:00.001-04:00

Fate:
1 : the will or principle or determining cause by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are or events to happen as they do: destiny.
2 : an inevitable and often adverse outcome, condition, or end.

Some people believe in fate, in a preset course for everything that cannot be altered no matter how much you try, what steps you take to avoid or evade the outcome that is set. A car accident that’s going to happen; you know it’s meant to be so you do everything to avoid it, only to realize that the steps you took TO avoid it caused the very thing you were trying to prevent. Ain’t that a bitch?

Some people don’t believe in fate, they argue that free-will and open thought processes immediately condemn fate to oblivion. How can something be predestined if you don’t even know what you’re going to do until the very moment you are in the midst of doing said thing?

And some people are in the middle. Multiple universe theory, where a universe is created for every possible option that could come to pass, whether or not it does indeed come to fruition in your current conscious universe or not (ie; fate is just living in motion for; if everything is fate, fate must exist).

What is right?

Well, we’ll never know. People have tried to answer this question as long as it has been posed. Some answer it absolutely; fate is God’s hand in motion; some answer it with uneasy curiosity; I do not know if fate exists or if fate is merely mocking me to think upon its existence to further its own eternal plan. The variable of fate is in every question, every philosophy, in science, in religion. Whether discussing Jean-Paul Sartre’s belief in complete indeterminism, Einstein’s theory of relativity or John Calvin’s intent teachings of predestination, fate will play a role.

No matter how true we may insist our beliefs are, in the end that’s all they ever are. Beliefs. Belief in what we proceed to think of as truth, belief in what we conceive are lies. Humans are predisposed to wondering and trying to place ideas in sections of right and wrong. It makes us uneasy to have anything hovering in the “well, I honestly don’t know” category in our brains.

So; fate, does it exist?

Or perhaps the better question, the more open minded question and the more intellectually honest question; do you believe it exists?

Out of Gas

2010-05-06T20:27:00.002-04:00

Spring is here and Summer is right around the corner. Time for picnics, barbecues, and beach parties! It's also time for the gas prices to skyrocket. The weather shift will mean more people will want to get out of the house, which means heavier driving. Long drives to the beach or the amusement park, road trips, vacations, people are driving... a lot. This all leads to the insane gas prices we all love to hate. I can talk about the corruption of big oil, I can talk about how unfair the prices really are, but I'm not. Today I'm going to talk about how we have no one to blame but ourselves.

How can we be to blame? It's the oil companies that blast the prices up. They claim shortages, they claim higher demand, they claim high barrel prices, they claim many things and still gross billions of dollars. How can we not be angry with them? These people grab every dollar they can from us, they inflate their prices and make lame excuses without even trying to hide the ridiculous amounts of profit. But here's the cold hard truth, we let them do it.

It's one thing to be angry at these people for taking advantage of us. It's a completely different thing to be angry and do something about it. This is basic economics, supply and demand. They have the gas, we want it. For as long as we ask for it, and accept their prices, they can get away with the insane prices. But this simple principal of economics can work in our favor, we have power. We need to stop the demand...

I've seen it attempted, many times. I've seen the desperate attempt to get a massive gas boycot going for just one day. I've seen the power of the internet fail on getting the word out, I've seen radio ads fail, I've seen newspaper fail. We as a nation seem to rather bitch and accept it, than for one day not drive, for one day show big oil that we don't want their prices, that we don't absolutely need the fuel they charge so highly for. One day, it's all it would take, one day if everyone just stopped, if everyone just walked, carpooled, used public transportation, it would decimate the gas companies. It would work, with nobody buying the gas companies would begin hemorrhaging money, they would be forced to lower prices. We seem to forget that in this system of capitalism that it is not just the corporation that runs the show, we all have the ability to control what we get and how we get it.

Just have to stand up and walk.

Oh, Baby Don't Hurt Me

2010-05-05T21:29:00.001-04:00

What is love?

Is it predestined connection, where for every person there is the ONE other that can complete them, love them entirely and without withholding?

Is it a chemical reaction in your brain, too much dopamine and norepinephren. A large build of up serotonin, a release of vasopressin?

Is it an emotional struggle, built up over time from laughter, tears, fighting, smiling, talking?

No matter what it is, humans are centered around it.

Websites built around finding it, songs written about losing it, sanctified rituals that promote the outward symbolism of it, fights and hate over who is allowed to feel it for whom.

What is important in life? Most of the typical answers revolve around this all consuming notion of love.
Friendship; the neutral love of another human being without sexual passion or romance.
Family; the bond of love between those considered your net, your support. Even to some, the love of someone who shares your blood.
Spouse of significant other; simply said, romantic love.

But why?

Why this ever going search for love, whatever it may be in a technical sense?

Is it because we’re afraid of being alone?
Is it because we have been told for so long that love is the meaning of everything?

Is it the movies, the TV, the music, the stories, the poetry?

What is it?

I think, in my small pocket of introspective wisdom, that when we can answer this question THAT is when we are ready to find the thing most of us strive for.

Love isn’t just the goal; it’s the first thought, the people along the way, the footsteps behind you, and the long stretch of road in front of you.

Love is the journey.

How are you Feeling?

2010-05-04T20:18:00.002-04:00

This is a topic I've both wanted and not wanted to talk about. It's an issue that I am passionate about, an issue that can drive my blood to boil. I've literally had shouting matches with my family, whom have an opposing view. These shouting matches are the reason that, despite my deep passion for the topic, I've held off from doing it. The issue is heated, more heated than anything else I've discussed here. People get angry, furious, when you bring this up, and the last thing I want to do is bring trolls to this blog. Strap yourselves in, cause I'm about to talk about Health Care.

But what to say about it? There are so many aspects of this issue, so many things to say. I could talk about the morality, the idea that health is a right, and those who profit off the sick are universally disgusting. I could talk about the quality of health care, the exaggeration of wait times, and the simple idea that waiting is preferable to simply being unable to afford treatment at all. I can discuss the cost of all things, while our country spends billions on military and war efforts. I could even go into the corruption of Insurance Companies, who set up plans intent on keeping you ill and their most grievous slight of preexisting condition clauses.

These are all topics I can write an entire article on, I could rant and rave, I can show my logic and rationale for hours. But in the argument's listed, there is always a counter, counters I personally find weak, but reasonable. There is another, more pressing argument though, that finds this issue at it's most heated. It is the argument that spawns hatred and rage, and it is completely and utterly ridiculous. The idea that Universal Health Care is a Socialistic method, a method that has no place in Capitalism. I just shake my head at this, I wonder how they cannot realize the simple truth?

There's already Socialism in America.

I want you all to think about something for me. Are you over eighteen? Do you have a job? If you answered yes to these questions and don't have any children above the age of five, guess what... You're part of a socialist program. The people who bleat this argument say that it's unfair that they have to pay for everyone's health care, when they can just pay for their own which they consider to be superior. What they don't realize is we already have this system in place for something else... Schools. Public Schools are paid for by the State, the State gains money through the taxes. I have not gone to a School in seven years, and yet I am paying my part for our children to learn.

Now you can go ahead and send your kids to Private School, private schools receive no funding from the state, they're a tuition based system for profit. They're often times considered superior to Public Schools, the fact that you pay them directly means they can afford better equipment, and the limited number of students compared to public means your kids get more attention from the faculty. But your taxes still go to that Public School. You, paying for your own kid's private education are paying for Public School. Are you really going to say you don't want every kid to have access to some form of education? You're going to tell me, that because I can't afford Private School, my child is not allowed to learn?

From the Postal Service to Police we in this country pay through taxes what could easily be privatized and have been. Fed Ex sure beats out the USPS, but I'm sure you're happy the post office is only gonna charge you ten bucks to ship the package that Fed Ex would have charged you forty when you're strapped for cash. And I know you're happy that the cops don't write you up a bill when they've finished investigating a robbery.

The problem with this argument of socialism is that these people believe it's going to corrupt our nation despite the fact that it's been here for decades. They think that as a Capitalist society we can only run on capitalist methods, but it just doesn't work that way. A symbiosis of ideas from many methods of government is the way. It's the very foundation of our nation that it's government would be run by it's people, that we wouldn't be bound by one rule and one system. That we could forge a new system as needed when needed.

I am at heart a Capitalist, as shocking as it might sound, I truly believe that if you have a service you should be able to sell it. But this isn't cell phones or produce we're talking about, this isn't real estate, this isn't big screen TVs, this is life. When you see someone in pain, when you see someone sick, when you see someone at the cusp of death... Are you really gonna ask them cash or credit?

...

Testing the Teacher

2010-05-03T18:21:00.002-04:00

There's this issue going around our schools as of late, no it's not test scores, it's not funding, and no it's not teachers with inappropriate relations with their students. This is an issue of payment. The Teacher's Unions have started to sway towards favoring a Merit pay system. A system that rewards Teachers who's classes do well. This issue has only been pushed further with President Obama urging that this system of payment be accepted widely. This of course has sparked a debate, is this a good or bad thing?

When I first heard about this issue, it seemed to me what was being proposed was a Teacher would be paid based on their performance, I.E. their student's grades. This to me seemed a bit... Questionable. What seems to be the actual case is more a reward for teachers that excel, as opposed to punishing those who don't. A bonus for teachers who's students preform well. This seems at first like a great idea. Though it does raise some questions that must be asked.

What definition are we using for excellent performance? Does that mean a certain grade average per class, or per student? Or would it be per assignment, and tests scores as well? The definition of good becomes varied depending on the criteria it is based upon. There is of course the factor of the students themselves, some students will refuse to learn, I remember kids when I was in school who would rather have dental surgery than pay attention in class. What is going to happen to a student like this when a teacher is now getting paid per grade? How can we be sure this system will be introduced fairly, that teacher's won't lower their standards or simply cheat their student's grades to make sure they receive these bonuses?

All these questions come to mind, all these questions are yet unanswered.

But lets think about this... Let's just assume this is implemented in a fair and balanced way, what will this do? Well, it will improve our school systems for one. As teachers continue to strive for the better pay, the student's will be pushed into maintaining higher grades. A new influx of talented teachers will emerge, the ones who can continually gain this extra incentive will survive, while teachers who lack care or motivation for their job will be forced to find better suited employment. This also takes care of our teachers who have been universally under paid for years now, giving them the influx in money they desperately need to keep our current teaching staff employed, as well as give new teachers proper motivation to become teachers at all.

This entire idea is rough, undefined, and jagged around the edges. But you know what? I'm for it if they can polish it down to something that works. This system, if implemented correctly, will simultaneously aide both our educational system, and those working for that system. I can only hope, that if and when this discussion becomes a reality, the kinks and bumps will have been grooved out.

Just makes me wonder why we don't have this kind of system for our Doctors.

Come Fly with Me

2010-05-02T20:22:00.002-04:00

In my short time on this planet, I have flown a few times. The experience was, well... Adequate. I got to the airport, grabbed my ticket, trudged through security, and boarded my plane. And while I certainly don't hate the airlines for my personal trips, I do hate them for another reason, I would like to fly more. But the prices for plane tickets are astounding, especially considering the service.

Here you are paying between two hundred and five hundred dollars, three weeks in advanced, for what is in essence an air taxi. A taxi that you don't get to enjoy alone, but must share with several dozen more people. Now I understand, the operation of an air liner is much different than that of a Taxi, so comparing the prices is a bit silly. But here's the thing, the one aspect of air travel that drives me up the wall... A taxi does not increase it's price based on when you call for one. Say I wanted to take a flight in one month, I check the price and it's two hundred dollars, so far no problems. But if I wanted to book that same flight two weeks from now, the price would be much higher... And if I wanted to book the same flight on the day I wanted to leave, the cost would be over double what I would have paid today.

It's completely backwards! An air line makes it's money by booked seats, a plane departing without all or at least most of it's seats filled is not making as much money as it can. The idea is to sell those seats, but here we are at the moment of departure, seats unfilled, and raising the price. It's a cruel little joke on the passengers, they know a person booking a flight on the same day is in crisis, they need to leave on that day, they cannot refuse the hugely inflated price.

You add this with the general disdain of air travel and you can see why companies are falling left and right. Additional charges for luggage, lost luggage, insane security that doesn't make us more secure, cancellation fees, delays, and of course having your flight simply canceled. It may seem like small complaints, air lines can't expect to be perfect, mistakes happen. But think of how much you're paying these people, how much money one trip really costs. With how much we spend to fly, is it too much to ask for better treatment?

I'd just as easily take the occasional mistake if it meant I could afford to fly more often.

Absent

2010-05-01T23:47:00.002-04:00

I'm absent minded, I know this, and it's an issue. My mind tends to wander away from the things that are important, and settle upon whatever may tickle my fancy that is not my responsibilities. It makes things difficult sometimes, as I will fully have something planned in my mind, and fifteen minutes later when I intended to do it, my mind has simply drifted onto a new task. It's the reason I come now with ten minutes to produce an article.

Though there are advantages to it... Because my mind tends to drift, I can chain a string of thought a mile long, contemplating and analyzing a variety of things only tangentially related. These loose thoughts become solid ideas, which allows me to produce something without much brainstorming. Being absent minded, and coming to tasks at the zero hour has allowed me to stand the test of time. I work fast, taking those solid ideas and expanding them into a working project amazingly quick. I am able to go from thought, to idea, to product faster than most...

Though these are all excuses, the problem with all of this is that most of the time I simply end up not making it. The zero hour comes and goes without even a passing thought from me, only banging my head when it's brought up too little too late. I hate myself when I end up missing my deadlines, simply because there were no obstacles in my way aside from my own thought process.

I wonder to myself if other people are like me, people who's mind's run at a mile a minute, too fast to focus, too much at once to really rely on one thing. How many people forget dates, deadlines, appointments? How many people forget what they need to do even when they were just telling themselves to put some time aside later to do it? Is my frustration a uniqueness, or is it a common practice?

Don't you wish sometimes your brain would just listen to you?

2010-04-30T23:28:00.002-04:00

"I used to say that politics was the second-oldest profession. I have come to know that it bears a gross similarity to the first." -Ronald Reagan

The old wives tale goes as such, that prostitution is the worlds oldest profession. This is a wives tale simply because through simple logic and rational, without money or goods, there is no profit. So the oldest professions had to be farmers, followed by bartering market men, and then maybe prostitution. Then unfortunately someone had to muck it all up by becoming a politician.

Now I'm not gonna beat Ronnie by up here, the man is obviously being poetic. He is placing the concept of politics on par with prostitution, it's quite an astute summation if I do say so myself. What else are politicians than men and women who sell themselves? Men and women who put themselves on the auction block, hoping for top bid. And boy is America buying.

In the past twenty years the electoral process for President has become a circus. Mostly brought on by the media clammering for a story, and a little brought on by politicians trying desperately to get America to care. Many times I've heard the statement that Politicians are becoming more and more celebrities as the coverage of politics becomes more outlandish, and it's completely true.

Look no further than our current Commander in Chief Barack Obama. Moments after his election to office there were already commemorative coins, plates, and DVDs. T-Shirts with his face and slogans can be found anywhere, there is even a Barack Obama action figure. All of his success can be lead to the fact that he sold himself to us so well. A powerful campaign filled with extremely articulate speeches, charm, slogans, and having the knowledge to use media to his advantage.

His objectors hoot and holler about how this is all a sham, acting as if this whole parade of politics is somehow new, it's not. The 1960s held the first Presidential Debate ever broadcast over television, Nixon vs. Kennedy. Those who watched in person felt that Nixon had won the debate hands down, but those watching over television had a different opinion, they felt the charismatic and charming Kennedy had dominated the debate. This is not a new phenomena, the only difference is with the advancement of technology, it's just bigger, louder. The internet and twenty four hour news station allows us to watch the auction block all the time, as opposed to just once every four years.

It's not necessarily bad either, the fact that these men and women know how to sell themselves does not mean their disingenuous, it doesn't mean their issues are lacking. These men and women aren't liars, they aren't cheats, they aren't thieves... They have the issues that all politicians have, they have the same drive and need as the others, they just know how to sell it to us along with themselves. So, they're really prostitutes and barter merchants...

Still amazes me that a quote like that would come from an actor of all people.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

2010-04-29T20:07:00.003-04:00

I'm once again going to talk about weather. Though this time, it won't be in a nice introspective metaphor, it won't represent adaptation and resilience. No, this is gonna be a bit more real, and a bit less happy. I'm gonna talk about something that is being debated all over, something that shouldn't really be debated anymore. I'm gonna talk about something that effects every living person on this planet, I'm gonna talk about Climate Change.

Yesterday I checked the weather, as I normally do, to see if it would be necessary to grab a jacket for work. I saw that it was predicted highs in the sixties, lows in the thirties. I'm going to repeat that, for it bears repeating. The weather services were saying that throughout the day it may reach sixty degrees, or go down as low as thirty. That's a thirty degree margin of temperature, let me tell you, thirty degrees is the difference between sitting comfortably in a hammock with a nice book, and freezing your nipples off.

Now I understand, of course, that the weather is never one hundred percent predictable. There are simply too many variables to reliably know what will happen, but a thirty degree margin of error is a rather wide margin of error. Throughout the day the wind howled and chilled the air, it remained at a constant between forty and fifty degrees. It was cold... It was cold at the tail end of April, the middle of Spring. Now today the temperature has pushed seventy all day, all I would like is some consistency.

And this is not a new occurrence, though. For years now the weather has been erratic and strange. Winter not starting till late November, Summers that shift from mild to flesh frying within a daily basis. I've never in my life seen colder Winters and hotter Summers than I have in the past few years. The weather is becoming wild, it's shifting, it's changing...

Whether or not you want to argue if it's Global Warming or not, whether you want to debate on if it's man made or a natural occurrence, something is changing. I don't need the science, the studies, the research, or the arguments to see or feel that the weather is becoming more erratic. I don't need to have the government put together a think tank to get to the bottom of Global Warming. I don't need to see a petition of countries and governments of who think Global Warming is real. I need to see forward movement.

The arguing, the debating, they only go on and on, and they all miss the point. The point isn't on who is right and wrong, it doesn't really matter. The point is that we are doing nothing to prepare, nothing to work on a solution. We bicker on the cause, the result, the name it should be designated, but what people fail to discuss is what needs to be done to adjust to the coming change. Our world leaders are arguing on whether or not a flood is coming, instead of building a boat.

I'm not worried about the flood, I'm worried about the boat.

Weary

2010-04-28T18:41:00.002-04:00

We all get tired from time to time, it just happens. We don't mean it but every now and again through over exertion, illness, stress, or even weather change, we become weary. Me, I've been weary for the past five days. One night in the past five I've gotten a full nights rest, and being so tired all week is what caused me to miss my update yesterday. So once again it's time for me to accept punishment... For the next week I will writing articles, three of which will be chosen by Manda, and in my opinion, she's pushing the limit pretty far in this one.

So that's my excuse, I was tired, I had fallen asleep and woke up after the midnight mark. It was a possibility that I'd even miss today's article, as I can feel the drag, the allure of my bed. It's hard, working tired, not just kinda sleepy, exhausted. There is nothing in the world that would make you happier than to put your head down on that pillow, take a breath, and close your eyes. Nothing makes you smile except the thought of feeling that wave of relaxation wash over you as you just let your body shut down. It's so frustrating, so enraging to have to be up... So agonizing to have to keep moving, keep working, keep talking, keep alert. '

But you have to do it. It's not an excuse, not a good one. Tell someone you're tired, you're exhausted, they won't show much sympathy if you have responsibilities due. Keep chugging that cola, keep downing that energy drink, cause you have things to do and nobody cares if you're a little tired. At least, that's the way it feels. Being tired really warps your mood, your perspective. Everything in graining, everything annoys you. You find yourself sneering at friends and family, for doing nothing more than they normally to. But to you, so tired, so wanting of sleep, they're just annoyances that keep you up.

How do you deal with it? Push through. If you absolutely must stay up, that's all you can do. Try and keep the attitude inside, and once you can... get to a bed. It may be hard, the world may suck, and you might want everyone you know to just shut up, but once your head hits that pillow it'll all just wash away. Whatever you do, don't start counting the clock, once you start on a roll the adrenalin will kick in, motor reflexes and muscle memory will carry you through. As long as you don't dwell on how much longer you will be up, how long you have been up, your body will be able to accomplish on it's own what the mind can't. Once you're done, you can reward yourself, can finally just...

Sleep.

Post of... not so much

2010-04-26T22:28:00.000-04:00

I am feeling uninspired.

Which is weird, because I am happy. I am excited and thrilled and relaxed and feeling generally good.

So why is is that whenever I set my fingers on the keys, nothing comes out?

It's frustrating, being so happy and full of life and ready and then... BLANK.

Fingers on keys
Don't equal words on the screen.
Isn't it a bitch?

So how do you get inspired? Will's talked about it a lot... but I asked some friends.

Some listen to music. Some put it away and come back to it.

Some just start writing and don't stop until they either pull all their hair or they actually crank out something of substance.

The more I type... the more frustrated I am getting. But... you know... I'm typing. And that's all that matters.

Perhaps though.... you people who read this can give me some suggestions.

Also.

I have noticed, over the course of the past week, that people jump to erroneous conclusions way too easily.
....Stop that. Thanks!

Wednesday..... probably be a rant. I promise it'll be a lot better than this piece of shit.

Work Ethic

2010-04-25T20:28:00.002-04:00

I want to expand my last topic a bit, and talk about working some more. I talked about the possible closure of the store I work at, the loss of my job. Now, while I don't wanna lose my job, I also really don't care if this company goes under. I feel no attachment to my work, no desire to see it go on past my own need for a paycheck. This company has done nothing to endear me to them, to make me want to continue working there.

It's not just this company, all stores I've worked with have this problem. The simple fact is that I don't care about this business, so why should I work my hardest? Well, because they pay me is the obvious answer. I don't want to sound greedy, but that's just not enough. Paying someone is only going to ensure they work hard enough not to get fired, without any real connection to their work, there's no real motivation to surpass whats required.

My job now pays me a little more than minimum wage, and only give me two shifts a week. Last year they removed the option for annual raises. I can work my hardest, and it will not effect my paycheck, my reward. I can skirt by with the bare minimum, I can try to excel, in the end I receive the same paycheck.

And this isn't just about money. There's no sense of pride in what I do, I don't have any real sense of satisfaction when completing a task well. I'm just a low level employee, completely replaceable. The company gives me nothing for doing an okay job, and nothing for doing an exemplary job. I feel for this job like I feel for a Doctor's appointment, I don't want to be there but it's necessary, and a doctor will give you sweets afterwards for being a good patient.

If you are reading this and you work in retail, fast food, tech support, or the service industry in general, do you get a sense of satisfaction from your work? I'm not asking if you're happy with your job, I mean the actual work itself, does you feel pride when completing a task, or is it just another check on the list? Does your work job appreciate you, reward you for good work and offer you something for exceptional work? Are you able to have a connection with your job, or is it just a place you go to make money?

Whats your work ethic?

Distance

2010-04-24T20:52:00.005-04:00

Distance;
Whether a self imposed wall
Or a physical limitation,
It leads to a space where no one can push through.

Doubt. Fear. The crushing desire to run.
To, from. Towards, away.
It depends.

But in the end,
It is not the distance that grows or shrinks;
It is your attitude and your will.

Today was a normal day. Well, not really. I spent it with a friend, feeling safe and happy.
And then something happened. A phrase. A simple phrase took me to a place where I should not be.
I shrugged it off, but even now I can feel it nagging at me and pushing to the front of my mind.
Even now, my hands are shaking. I'm trying so hard to... not let it effect me. Or my actions, my words, my presence.

My friend, a man that would never do to me what my mind is nagging at, doesn't deserve to be attached to anything remotely close to that.

My fear, my topic and my thoughts are; will I ever be able to disassociate men with him?

Some say yes. Some say no.

I just tremble and try to hide it.

I'm sick of hiding.

I'm sick of distance.

Abandon Ship

2010-04-23T22:28:00.002-04:00

It's a unique experience to watch a company crumble from the inside, to watch it fall from the ground floor. I work at a retail outlet, one that seems to be on it's last days. Pretty much everyone can see it, economists, stock holders, customers, and even the Managers are now admitting the possibility of the inevitable. There only seems to be one group of people that don't see the company's end, the people running corprate.

From the inside I can see the death pangs all around me, the scrambling of executives to try and keep the business going. First came the changes to stock, the expense easiest to cut down on without any bad PR. Our shipments, once a regular occurrence at the beginning of the week, now come in several deliveries, most coming at the end of the week. Our supplies became limited, orders were not being filled, a long stretch of time passed where my store had no plastic bags for customers, my boss had to purchase generic bags from an office supply store out of his own pocket. When new bags did come, they were of the same make as the ones my Manager had purchased, and had no company logo.

The next on the chopping block was customer policy. Months we heard about this, a change to the store policy, but it never really came. With the coming of the zero hour, it happened, we were given only a weeks notice of it. The policy changed to one with the obvious intent to grab more revenue, worded in a way that made it sound beneficial to the customer. The simple problem with this whole change is that altering a policy when your customer base is steadily declining does not work, chasing away customers who do not like the new policy, while those who stay with the company not being enough to maintain the slight increase to revenue per customer.

Still bleeding money, there was one more place to turn, payroll. Stores began to shut down, and those who remained open began to see a cut in available hours. Employees went from an average of four shifts per week at twenty to thirty hours to two shifts a week at ten to fifteen hours. The company, attempting to entice their employees to stay with these massive cuts to hours and news of the company's impending collapse, gave out incentives. These incentives though, were lacking, no real benefit to an employee losing nearly half of their average paycheck now.

I sit back and I watch these steps play out, I watch as a company desperately tries to cut corners instead of improve business. I think about the people soon to be out of a job, I think of myself being out of a job. Mostly, though, I think about the men and women who run the business from up high, people who refused to evolve with time. These people who clung ignorantly to the old ways while technology made them obsolete. These people who saw their business floundering years ago and refused to update, who chose to try and cut costs instead of trying to draw in business. I get angry at these men and women, who are responsible for the welfare of thousands of employees who will soon be jobless. I get angry at these people who had the opportunity to pioneer the new wave of their business, but instead refused and allowed others to do it instead. Those others who soon became competition, and killed this company... But we handed them the gun through inaction.

When I first took this job I knew it was a dying industry, I gave the company five years before it would fall. After working a while I changed my prediction to three years, I've now been working there for two years, and it doesn't look like this business will last more than another year. I face once again the possibility for unemployment, right now it seems like a certainty, though I may be wrong. Who am I to assume the cost cutting won't work, that we'll retain the gross to pull ourselves out of debt, that this company will be able to stay on it's feet for a while longer?

If it does, I just hope someone in charge understands it's time to evolve.

What Is Beauty?

2010-04-22T20:29:00.001-04:00

Looking beyond the colored veil.
You can see the flicker, the shimmer.
The music is there, hiding.
It jumps, excited and overjoyed.
You need but open your mouth,
Open your soul, and let it free.

Looking beyond the awkward limbs,
You can see the graceful flow.
Movement and elegance,
Grow through the muscles,
Out the tips of your fingers and toes.
Close your eyes and dance.

Looking beyond the rustic tools,
See the painting as it can be.
Paint and paper can be so much more,
It is there, just reveal it as Michelangelo did;
Chip away at the marble until you find
The beauty of creativity in front of you.

What is beauty? Is it art, is it music, is it performance?

I can see beauty in most things if I look hard enough.
In the cliche things; music, a painting, a sunset, dance.
In the less admired things; people, books, speech, words.
In the things left behind; equations, mistakes, anger, a smile.

So again I ask, what is beauty?

Equality

2010-04-21T22:35:00.002-04:00

In 2008 Clay M. Greene lost a loved one. He lost his lover, his partner in life, his significant other. What makes this story of lost truly heartbreaking, is that the County Sonoma stole this person away from him. They stole his house, most of his belongings, and put him in a retirement home. Because of Sonoma, Harold had to die without his partner Clay by his side.

It started when Harold took a spill down the stairs in front of the couple's house. He was badly hurt, and needed to be taken to the hospital. The two men were not stupid, they had previous to all this made arrangements for just this occasion, with living wills, power of attorney, and medical directives each listing each other. Despite all this, Clay was refused the right to see Harold, nor was he consulted in anything regarding his health.

In the ongoing months the County would go on to petition to a judge for access to Harold's bank account to pay for his medical bills, listing Clay off as simply a roommate. After gaining limited access to the account, they would go on to auctioning off the items in the house, and selling the house back to the land lord. Harold died without Clay, and Clay was left without a home, possessions, or any reminder of his partner save a photo album Harold made while being treated.

Clay is now suing the county, and is likely to receive a lot of money with all the glaringly illegal actions the people of Sonoma made. But is there any amount of money that can make up for losing someone you loved, and not being able to be there due to no fault of your own? It's terrible what these people did, they flat out stole from two elderly men. Reading this story, it got me to wondering... Would all of this, this act of barbarism against these two men, would it have happened if they were married?

Now I'm not about to start ringing the discrimination and hate crime bell. The motives of the hospital are not known, and could very easily be driven by money and not anti-gay sentiment. The fact that Somona voted in a heavy majority against Prop 8 does show that this is not an issue with the area. What I'm talking about is simple equality, the question of if this could possibly happen if, like a man and a woman, these two men who loved each other could be legally defined as married.

A major argument against gay marriage, though more a justification than an actual argument, that gay men and women can gain any rights a married couple can, and there for already have equal rights. The problem with that is that a straight couple can simply make one action, marriage, and gain these rights, where a gay couple must jump through hoops on several legal procedures. More work to gain the same thing is not equal, and without a singular definition, as we can see in this case, can easily be ignored.

These two men, Harold and Clay, did the deeds. They jumped through the hoops, they did everything they could to make sure that their partner could be there and be the one in charge if the unforeseen were to come to be. Yet here it stands, their wishes, their legal rights, all undone with a simple ignorance to their will. These papers meant to equal the rights of a married couple were ignored, they were forgotten. Clay Greene was forced into a retirement home, with the hopes he would never be heard from again.

But what if they were able to be wed, were wed? What if there was a strict definition labeling these two as spouses, as family? Could the abuse these two men endured possible have happened? I find it infuriating that this happened when it could have so easily been avoided with a simple piece of paper.

The fact that these two men were not married does not make them any less to each other. The fact that they were not married does not mean they weren't family. The fact that they were not married does not mean they did not love each other as much as one can love an other. The fact that they were not married meant that the people paid to keep them well were able to rob them of everything they had, including the right to die together.

The Poet

2010-04-20T14:11:00.000-04:00

The poet drew the line in the sand;
Connecting it to another.
She knew where it began
But not where it was to end.

And so she followed the line,
Searching for the other.
She went through heat,
Through snow and weather violent.

The end never seemed to come,
Her dimming hopes having enough.
With feet so tired, eyes so weary,
How could the gentle poet go on?

So she sank; in spirit, in body,
Her knees hitting sand so rough.
Head falling, hanging in defeat;
And in her despair, the poet missed the gleam.

Bad Day

2010-04-19T20:17:00.002-04:00

Sometimes things just don't work out right. You get up, everything seems fine, you go about your day without any worries, without any problems, and then suddenly it hits you. It comes from nowhere, that first chip in the armor, that first crack before the inevitable break. You may not even see it as bad at first, it's small, inconsequential. Then it starts to grow, a snowball rolling down hill it swells exponentially. More and more pile on, each action leading to a worse consequence, it's overwhelming, it all started out so simply...

I find myself today in a very off mood, which is only compounded by the fact that the day started so well. But then I got a text message from a co-worker, asking for me to cover a shift. Now this in itself wasn't a problem, a simple no would take care of the problem I figured. I had a lot of small chores to handle, a couple movies that needed to be returned today, and I was unwashed and generally feeling at ease and relaxed. Today was not a day for work.

But then the texts continued to come, my co-worker, with no ill intent I could detect continued to pry, asking me why I wouldn't take the shift. Each time I felt my mood dip, my general attitude shift from content to annoyed. He may have had some good points, but the discussion of the virtue of being lazy vs making money was not something I was looking for. I had given him my answer, and each stab at my reasoning just brought me lower and lower.

It soured me, I still feel the general malaise of sullen dullness. I want now to just curl up and forget the day, sit back and do something mindless. I want to vent myself of the weighty emotions, they do nothing for me. Those chores I was supposed to do now seem distant in my mind. I don't want to get a shower, don't want to do laundry, don't want to sit and write. I just want to be... sullen. Be dark, be moody. I want to just stare at the world with a heavy brow. I want to hide away in the darkness of my mind.

These feelings, these emotions, this tainted day. I know they'll all pass, sooner than I imagine I will be uplifted again, feeling lighter, a weight off my mind. Nothing dragging me to the floor anymore, I'll be me again. But for now I just stew in my own soured state of being. I lay around and gruff at things that would normally make me happy. I become a beast that has been awoken, slowly stomping about till I can once again slumber.

All in all, I'm just having a bad day.

Sex: A Reply, A Metaphor and A Ramble

2010-04-18T22:21:00.001-04:00

So, Will... It's come time for a reply.

Sex.... What is it? Is it daunting? Is it... beautiful? Is it necessary?
A question I often ask myself, just to see where I am in life, is "Is the relationship making the sex or is the sex making the relationship?"
While it doesn't always need to be taken strictly in those terms (A more open translation being "Is the cake making the icing or is the icing making the cake?"), it helps me realize what is going on around. What is

And for me... Sex is just that. Icing. I don't NEED it. In fact, without cake, I get sick of icing really fast. But on the flip side.... Cake can get a bit boring without icing from time to time, right?

Well maybe you just haven't gotten the kind of cake you need.

Ok, Manda... I get it. You need a balance, right?
Wrong.

Some people can sit down and eat a whole damn tub of icing, fuck the cake. Who needs cake when you've got sugary, amazing icing in front of you?

Some people can sit and eat a cake as is. No extra toppings. They don't need the outside sugar, just what's inside. Who needs icing when you've got moist, delicious cake?

.....And some people get stomach aches from all the sugar. And some peoples' mouths get dry after too much cake.

What is the point of all this obvious, semi-metaphorical rambling, Will?

It's this: Everyone's taste is different. No one is wrong. No one is right. Not when it comes to this basic act. If you leave out all the moral and ethical problems introduced later by humans and their ever-loving need to make things complicated, that's what you get. Variety. The spice of life. The difference between each and every one of us. My brain patterns, just as unique as fingerprints and retinal scans, revealing my thoughts being different from her, her, him and you.

So maybe not everyone wants the icing and maybe not everyone's a fan of cake.

Who cares? You have your body. I have mine. They have theirs.

So, in the end, does it matter; their view?

It doesn't to me. But then... I'm still mixing my batter.

Born to Do

2010-04-17T23:01:00.002-04:00

Today I'm going to talk about something very close to my heart. Something very close to all of our hearts, really. Today I'm going to talk about sex. Whether you like it or not, we're all here because of it. Your mom, your dad, they enjoyed a night of carnal bliss, and now you're here. Me, I have a very casual outlook on sex. It's a natural instinct in all men and women to mate, it also feels very good, and if done responsibly, can be done with no unwanted outcomes. So I wonder, in the year 2010, why we're still so hung up about it...

It's not that hard of a question, really. The reason why America is so worried about sex is our founders, the Puritans. A bunch of happy go lucky bunch that felt dancing was too loose and garish a practice. These were the first off the boat of settlers for America, and for it's entire history their influence has plagued us.

It's not a secret that American media displays a harsher outlook of sex over violence. Movies with a single sex scene, or too much lewd reference to sex at all run the risk of getting an R rating, while Sam Killall mows through an entire legion of men with automatic weaponry, and gets a PG-13 as long as he doesn't drop an F-Bomb. In our culture, pretend violence is more widely accepted than pretend eroticism. Doesn't that seem a bit off?

Sex is a natural instinct, the natural instinct. It's the propagation of our species, without it we do not exist, and yet people still get in an uproar when a pop icon shows her breasts on camera. We have had several sexual revolutions in our history whether for a woman's right to sexuality, or just in the name of free love, and yet the puritanical influence of a people who came to this land over four hundred years ago still hold sway over us.

We need to get over it. We need more than just the sexually adventurous to have a healthy attitude about sex. Our bodies are beautiful, and enjoying our bodies is one of the most beautiful acts that can be preformed. Exploration of another, the ultimate act of sharing, the drive and need to be with someone else. It is the strongest display of affection, it is the strongest display of what being human is.

And it's also really fun.

Introspectiveness Sucks

2010-04-16T22:50:00.001-04:00

So... today I had a conversation with my mother. We talked about relationships, love and what people need, in general, to be happy with another person.

And it got me thinking or, more specifically, worrying.

I wonder if I'm too picky in what I look for in a person.

I want to laugh, to cry, to argue, to be agreed with, to be given space, to be held, to drive them up a wall, to be loved, to feel hands in my hair, to feel fingers in mine.

I want to be awkwardly comfortable. I want to them to be maturely childish. Cynically hopeful.

I want an impossible balance.

I used to think that love was enough. I've learned differently.

I don't know if what I want is so.... hard to find. I don't know if my standards are too high.

I'm worried they are... but I'm also afraid of compromising and settling for something less than actual happiness.

And then I worry... What if I find them or found them.. and I just am not/was not what they wanted.

What if my balance doesn't mesh with theirs?

I know it fits my personality, but I really don't want to be the crazy lady with all the cats. I don't want to be "Aunt Amanda" forever... I want to be "Mom" someday.

I know humans, by nature, fear loneliness. We are social creatures. I know my thoughts are normal... I also know that sometimes people like me end up just like I am afraid to. Alone.

The poet knelt in the sand,
Her eyes on the grains as they slipped away.
And she knew, feeling the softness contrast
The coarseness she knew could be,
That her fears were validated
By the simplicity of regret.

Have a good weekend, friends.

-Manda

Out with the Old

2010-04-15T21:14:00.002-04:00

16. When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young. -Anonymous

Generations come and generations go, but one thing that has always remained constant is the conflict. In the 20s Jazz was corrupting children, the 50s brought the evils of rock and roll, the 70s sexual liberation plagued the young, the 90s rap was turning young men and women into criminals, and now today video games are training kids to murder. With every passage of time, the old look back on the young, and wish it were like the days of old.

With the passage of time our culture grows, it changes and alters itself. It evolves, slowly, but moving forward. Every now and again a hiccup comes along, and we take a step back, but eventually we come to move forward once more. With every passing of the torch from one generation to the next, we lose some of our hatred, we lose some of our ignorance and prejudice. As the young grow old, we as a society become more and more open minded. But only just a little more.

Traditionally our leaders and politicians, those who govern us are of the previous generation. They're men and women in their mid to late years, they remember back to their own childhood, they believe truly that it was the right way to live. They look upon the young, so radical, so different, they fear them. It's not that hard to understand, it is human nature to fear change, to fear the unknown. They see in the young such untempered and untested ideals, they see what the young stand for, but they also see the lack of aged experience. They hold back what they believe is too wild and broad to be stable.

The young look at the old, and shake their head. How could someone be so closed minded, how could they be so wrong about how the world works. Why can't they see that we all have the answers? It would all be so easy, making the world right. With blind optimism, and no knowledge of the complexities of how to make any of our wonderful new ways work. We see the old as tired, we see the old as clinging to the obsolete. We're just as ignorant as them in our inability to understand.

The old against the new, the traditionalist against the modernist, the rigid masters against the radical free thinkers. It's a constant loop, a routine, a dance of the world. As the old slowly pass, as the young slowly age the reigns are given up. The young are now the old, now experienced, their ideals now secured by wisdom. The old now have the ability to make their desired world happen, and watch as the young cry out for new and wild ways.

It's going to happen again and again. It's simply the progression of civilization. It's bitter sweet, really, by the time we young minds gain the ability to control the world, our ways are going to be inefficient to the eyes of the new generation. But we can know, that each time the cycle repeats, the world is becoming slowly better. Always forward, always on a forward path.

I wonder what will be evil to me in thirty years...

Overwhelming Calm

2010-04-14T21:33:00.006-04:00

It’s funny how when I was lost, alone and down
I was constantly surrounded, always in a crowd.
I felt alone in the arms of the many I called love
I felt alone in the company of the ones I relied on

But here I am, fresh faced and adorned in cheery outlook
New, revived… And alone.
Sure, the company is still around
Just a small reach and I can touch, feel, breathe in another

But for the first time since I first cried “Out, damned spot! out, I say!”
I feel a calming wave inside my mind
I feel at ease
I feel myself, in all my faults and charms, alone

So here I stare, seeing what I’ve become
Beautiful, victorious, myself
So here I am, floating on the edge of past and future
Scared, enthralled, compelled

Isn’t it a beautiful irony
That you cannot be happy in another’s company
Until you are at ease and satisfied
In your own?

Wow… rambly poetry for the win. I just wanted to add a little note crediting my friend mr_engineer on flickr for letting me use his beautiful photograph. It is, of course, used with full permission!

I took a look at this picture… and got overwhelmed with thoughts.. which exploded above… Maybe I’ll write on it again.

Be well!

-Manda

Planning Ahead

2010-04-13T22:09:00.002-04:00

5. What do you hope to accomplish within the next ten years? Explain.

This year I will be twenty five, in ten I will be thirty five years old. In ten years I will have no right at all to call myself a kid anymore. I will be expected to have my life on track, to have a career, to maybe have a family of some sort. I will have to have my own place, my own life, I will have to be an adult. The problem with this is that I have no real plan, no ideas, no clue as to what ten years from now where I'll be.

I have hopes, I want to be a successful writer. Not famous, I just want to be making a living out of it, have a regular opinion column, and possibly have a few novels published. But you know what? Ten years ago, I didn't want that. Ten years ago I wanted to be a cartoonist, I wanted to draw and make people laugh. I wanted to be the next Charles Schultz, the next Bill Watterson. Ten years prior to that I wanted to be a 'Tool man' as I put it, not an engineer, or a mechanic, just a Tool Man.

Ten years... It may not seem like it, but it's a long time. Ten years I was still a teenager. Ten years I was still in High School. My life has changed so radically, so drastically. I have changed, I'm a different person than I was back then, so if I had gone through and planned to be a Cartoonist, and came to be the man I am today, what would my life be like? Is it smart to plan so far ahead? Is it smart to even think about ten years?

I see people who have these vast lifelong plans, they know how it's going to work. They're going to get their degree, then get a job, then find a husband or wife and settle down. They're gonna start a family in the suburbs and then grow old together. It sounds solid, but what happens to these people when the plan goes awry? What happens when life happens? I just cannot plan that far ahead, it's too distant, and there's too much to think on now. All the branches of choice and consequence create path I could never predict.

Now I am not saying plans are bad, you need plans, need to know where your going to get there. But shooting for the distance is sometimes not gonna work. You need to let life come in to it, need to let it rock the boat and change your mind. Need to allow some room for fluidity, when you come to the end you may find yourself in a place you never thought possible, and would never want to leave.

In ten years, I just hope I'm still doing this.

Returning As Something New

2010-04-12T21:17:00.004-04:00

HI! Miss me, folks!?!

Let’s get back in the swing of things with a loverly angsty poem from your own resident Manda!

Just Ask

Ask me again, why I won't sing you my song.
Ask me again, what I think went wrong.
The answer will change.
Isn't it strange,
That there are so many don'ts?
But I know the problem is all of my won’ts.

Ask me why I walk away
Ask me what I want to say
My eyes should reveal
What my mouth must conceal
I’ve lost my fight with my heart
And it has no will to start

Something a little more cheery, why don’t we? ^_^

FRESH

It’s like someone opened a window, let the breeze roll in
It’s like someone opened my heart, let the love begin
It’s like someone took my hand, and told me I was good
It’s like someone looked in my eyes and finally understood

No more hiding under blankets or living under guilt
No more stifling my laughter and balancing on stilts
No more living day to day in horror and fear
No more relying on the hate, the fake smile and the tears

Who am I?
Fuck if I know

Who am I?
I’m just starting to grow

Who am I?
I am your love, your friend

Who am I?
I’m the one who made it to the end.

There are two poems for your reading pleasure...

It feels good to be back!

Interpretation

2010-04-11T21:14:00.002-04:00

11. The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair. -Mary Heaton Vorse

I just had a rather nasty argument with Manda. The argument had to do with this quote, one of our prompts, the lines we are supposed to use as inspiration and motivation. The problem came when I apparently had no idea what this quote meant. I saw it as a line referring to the reader... The art of writing is the art of making a piece of work interesting enough for someone to sit down and read. Apparently I was very wrong, the quote is actually about discipline and consistency. My problem was that the quote in no way says that. I could not comprehend how sitting on your ass is supposed to be synonymous with the ability to sit down and get to work. I would think it was a slight against writers before a mark on their determination.

This argument between me and my closest friend became rather heated, words came about that neither of us are proud of. And this brings me to my point of interpretations, and how defiantly we can defend them. Our views on the world are just that, ours. Someone else could have vastly different views on what is and isn't. When these two people, two people who's views are so contrast meet, their opposing opinions in fact challenge each others reality. You cling to what you know to be true so deeply that you can sometimes become violent and lash out against someone who is just doing the same.

If you will allow me to show my inner nerd, I can recount another experience, this time with me being on the 'right' side of what a particular piece was saying. I was discussing an episode of Star Trek with a friend, one that is quite explicitly about Homosexuality and the social fear of it. It was an awesome episode, and one of my favorites. But my friend for some reason saw it as about conformity. I wondered how the lines could be so clearly drawn yet such a different conclusion could come to be. I saw it, sure, it was in essence about everyone being the same, but I still knew the actual message was acceptance of people with an alternate sexuality.

I can see how the quote here says that writing is about sitting down and doing the work. I just simply do not see how one who looks at this quote for the first time, with no background as to the context of it, can assume that meaning without being told outright. Looking at a line with nothing but the line, I took from it my own meaning. I took from it a message about what a writer does for his readers, as oppose to what a writer first does for himself. I think it simply tells something about who I am, as a writer, it's less about the writing as much as it is about capturing someone, entertaining them.

Though it is hard to write standing up.

Worry

2010-04-10T21:09:00.002-04:00

While working I received a call from my home. Answering I came to hear my brother's voice, quite angry, complaining how he couldn't get on the network. My family has been having issues with their DSL in the vain that Verizon are inept, so I have been allowing them on my Cable line. Confused at my brothers accusations to me shutting off my router, I assured him that the router was on. This came to two possibilities, my router was not working, or my cable had been shut off. I thought the former.

I came home to find out there was a hiccup in the router, and that simply resetting it fixed the problem. But all day I found myself pondering as to what happened. Not knowing what was going on and being unable to find out. The mind seems to go to the worst place at times like this, and it makes me wonder why this happens? Why do we always assume the worse? Why is it when we have only half the information do we make wild jumps in conclusions?

I think it might be a defense mechanism. We go to that place to prepare ourselves, to make ourselves ready for whats to come. So that when we finally come to find out all the information we don't stumble and fall. We assume the worse to protect ourselves, to keep ourselves out of danger. And what a relief comes when you find that it was nothing to worry about. That swell of euphoria that washes over us when we find out that every things okay. We chuckle a bit at how silly it was that we fretted so much over it.

So don't worry, be happy.

Frustration

2010-04-09T22:58:00.003-04:00

There are things in our lives that we simply cannot control, some are good some are bad, and some simply exist to frustrate. Those things, they can't really be changed or altered, but they bring you down to such a level you simply want to scream. These things, these frustrating things, get you so worked up in your life that it becomes easy to miss the good things.

I've found that most of the times the most frustrating things in the world are the small things. You stub your toe, you overslept and become late for work, your bills all come in at once. These small things, which in of themselves don't do much to hamper you, end up tainting your entire day. You spend hours thinking about nothing but these frustrations, you obsess over them and become sullen, you gripe and you become angry, for no real reason.

This frustration infects you, it makes you sad, it makes you mad, it can come to depression. All day you feel down and sluggish, all day you just don't want to deal with anything else. All the downs make you feel worse, and all the ups just come as small and ineffectual. You come to the point you just want to stop, you want to give up and just not work for anything anymore. The entire world is against you, in your mind, so why try and fight against impossible odds. There's no point to it... is there?

My current frustration is financial as of late. I'm barely pulling in 10-15 hours a week as of later, I'm not getting the money I need to pay my bills and make myself happy. Last night I checked my paycheck, expecting to find the money I would need for the next two weeks, and a little left over for a present to a friend. This present would have made her happy, and it would have made me happy. I found my lowest paycheck I have ever gotten from this company that I wasn't on vacation for a week. I found that a large chunk of this small check had to go to a bill, I could not afford the gift.

This morning I was awoken to the sound of my phone ringing. Answering the call it was a bill collector, he told me the balance I owed was about to go to collections. I was forced to inform him I simply did not have the money to pay a minimum fee, and it was the truth. Giving him the money would have left scraps in my bank account, and leave me with no cash for two weeks. I put down the phone and started to get ready for work, tired, frustrated, and generally sour.

Being broke is not fun. I've never had a lot of money, and usually have to go paycheck to paycheck. But it's never been like this, I've always managed to keep up with my bills, I've always managed to have a little on the side for myself. This is the longest stretch of time I've had to struggle to keep up, struggle to keep money in my account until the next paycheck. It's crushing, it's infuriating, it's out of my control. I stand here, dulled to the situation... I don't know what to do now. It's become too much for me to handle. I need something to happen.

I'm just not in an uplifting mood today.

Do What You Want 'Cause A Pirate is Free

2010-04-08T21:09:00.003-04:00

I have on my computer many files in which I would be dishonest in referring to as... legal. Movies, television, music, all these things and more sit on my hard drive. I'm a geek, media is my forte. But then I'm also poor, and the Star Trek: The Next Generation DVD set still runs about three hundred and twenty dollars. It's a conundrum, if I had the money I would be more than willing to purchase it, but I don't. So am I so wrong in simply finding it online?

Well, yes.

I find it interesting how the internet culture, and even mainstream culture has vilified the RIAA and MPAA, who are technically the good guys in this little fight for rights. Here we have the people responsible for producing a product and putting it out to market, and another group of people come by and steal that product... How did the thieves become the good guys? Why are so many people rooting for pirates, why are so many people able to become pirates without any moral dilemma?

It's because the MPAA and RIAA make themselves such easy villains. Here we have two groups of people so willing to punish everyone for the crimes of a few. Vaguely legal DRMs install themselves on your computer without your knowledge, many of these programs are harmful and difficult to remove from your system. Movies in the Theaters have anti-piracy commercials stating how wrong stealing movies is to a group of people who just paid for that movie. DVDs as well have these anti-piracy commercials, unskippable, which never reaches the actual pirates as any decent bootlegger can simply remove that trailer without effort. Both companies severely skew the numbers and state that piracy is hurting the industry a lot more than it is. They sue people for thousands of dollars and throw them in jail for months if not years, and for what? A couple MP3s?

So what is the solution? How can these people in the moral right, stop looking like such villains to us? It's pretty simple, all they need to do is embrace digital distribution. By investing in technology that will help keep their products protected, cut down the price from hard copy distribution, and encourage a system that's easy to use and nearly instant, more people will be willing to purchase this media. The forefront of technology and media is changing rapidly, these people are fighting an archaic battle using intimidation and unfair punishment. By easing back and instead trying to develop new technology instead of protecting the old, their standing in the public eye will greatly shift.

In the end, though, there will always be piracy, and they need to accept that. Most all retailers have what they call a Shrink Quota, an amount of theft they accept and account for. Sure they try to actively keep theft down, but they also know it's impossible to stop. The industry is not losing the money they claim, and the artists are not going broke from piracy. What the companies need to do is simply back off a tiny bit, and continue making the things we actually want to spend money on.

Yo ho.

Hot Enough for You?

2010-04-07T22:55:00.002-04:00

Weathers a funny thing, we tie so much to it. Our activities, social events, travel time, even our emotions are linked to weather or not the sun is shining. With so much linked to weather, it's a wonder that we don't understand more about it. Go on, think about it... In any given year how often is the weather man 100% right?

I happen to live in New Jersey, which means Mother Nature is Schizophrenic, don't believe me? For the past three days the weather has been mild and beautiful, coming in somewhere between 60 and 70 degrees (Fahrenheit), today it shot up to 90. No warning, no build up, just bam it's middle of July heat in April. I know I'm not the only one who noticed this, as at 5am this morning we had a brown out. Let me say that again, it's one week into April, and we're already having brown outs.

Being the internet addict I am, I'm always told to stop complaining. I get people from Arizona telling me about 120 degree summers, people from Florida (not you Manda) telling me about humidity, people all over telling me about how their weather is more extreme. Here's the thing though, their weather is extreme, but constant. People in Arizona rarely have a winter reach below 60 degrees, you wanna know what Jersey gets in winter? Teens.

My winter is cold, my summer is hot. I don't have the luxury to adjust to the climate, because it's so varied. But that also means I'm well suited go anywhere. I'm not gonna swelter in the south, I'm not gonna become frigid in mid-eastern winters. I belong nowhere in the climate scale, so I belong everywhere.

Whats the weather like where you're from?

Experience

2010-04-06T15:46:00.003-04:00

It comes to my attention, that attempting to be a columnist with my lifestyle is difficult. I'm a young man living in a suburb. I rarely go out, and when I do, it's to a movie or a food joint. My job is slinging movies at a rental retail establishment, hardly an exciting job for a hardly exciting life. Why do I bring this up? Well, each time it's my day to write, I sit here and wonder what I will write about, and it comes to be more and more difficult with each passing day.

My opinions become more and more philosophical, my stories are lacking if not nonexistent, I talk to my audience like a motivational speaker. Now I do enjoy these articles, talking about the nature of life, it's troubles from a metaphysical sense, not about what actually challenges us, but how we challenge ourselves mentally... But then, that's not the meat and potatoes of what I want to be as a writer.

I write opinion pieces, I need to start displaying my opinions. Need to start writing about things that matter. What I need to do is get out more, experience something, have a story to tell my readers that can be woven into some overarching point. I need to make my job easier for me. Start talking about the actual blocks and not the metaphysical blocks.

Need to get some real experience.

Complete

2010-04-05T22:51:00.002-04:00

You know, we all have chapters in our lives, some long, some short. Some of these chapters are arduous, some are simple... Some come welcome, some we despise. But they all, eventually, come to an end. And each time a chapter is closed, good or bad, we feel elated.

A time in our life has just passed, an achievement, a journey, a trial of endurance. Something was completed, and it we can watch it shrink in the distance as we move forward with our days. Even when it ends in a way we would rather it not... we can still smile knowing that it is all behind us. An ended chapter leaves us refreshed, it leaves us free.

There's a blank page now, the blissfully unknown, nothing to endure, nothing to test, trudge through, or rise above. Nothing to work against, nothing to work on, nothing to work up. The future becomes ours, the next chapter new and exciting, wonder fills us as we contemplate what will come next, elation fills us as we know we can complete that chapter too.

Chapters come, and chapters go, good and bad they all help us grow in the end. Sometimes they're long, they hold us back for a time we wish we could have moved forward with, but even those chapters we hate, those we despise, they help us become more than what we were. They teach us something about ourselves, about the world. And they always end... eventually.

It's over.

Nothing to See Here

2010-04-04T21:38:00.002-04:00

Do to some personal issues (IE me being lazy and unmotivated) the blog will not be updated again until Monday April 5th. This will give me some time to refresh myself and maybe find some motivation. We will also kick off the week with my DOUBLE punishment, that being seven days of posts written to Manda.

See you then,

-Will

Limits

2010-04-02T23:55:00.002-04:00

Limits come up a lot, the peak of our ability, the most we can do. They are things to beat, challenges. There are limits of strength, endurance, brains, and time. Time limits being the most infuriating, it's not about simply knowing more, lifting more, or lasting more, it's pure pressure.

A bolder rests over your head, in five minutes, it drops and crushes you. Write an original opinion piece in that time. Feel that? The pressure build, the anxiety, the crushing feeling more powerful than the rock above? You get nervous, you get sloppy, you slow down. Can't slow, must keep going.

Every fauter, ever hiccup, every strain of the mind is more seconds wasted, it gets harder to pick it up again, harder to begin where you left off, hard to get motivated. It all comes crashing down on top of you, before the time even ends.

You work fast, faster than you should, you don;t look back, don't second guess. It doesn't matter what comes out, you need to produce before that rock falls. It's coming to the end now, you feel the pressure of the rock on your back, your heart pounds, you finish that last sentance...

Did you make it?

Blocked

2010-04-01T22:13:00.002-04:00

Over the past couple weeks I've talked a lot about preforming projects, especially creatively. I've talked about motivation, time, and the difficulty of starting a project. One thing I've hinted at but never addressed is the dreaded Writers Block. The infuriating inability to progress or move forward in your writing.

I can tell you first hand how frustrating it is to be unable to write. It's not lack of motivation, because I want to write, it's not lack of ideas because my mind is teeming with them. It just doesn't happen, the words don't come out right if at all. It's infuriating, it's frustrating, it gets to be depressing... You end up not wanting to write anymore.

The block makes you feel like you can't do it anymore, that you're not good enough. You stop writing all together, not wanting to try because the block is just too large to overcome. It's hard so you stop trying, you give up without really starting.

Great writers can overcome it, they push past the difficulty, and find a way to produce. All of this comes not only to writing, but any project. Sometimes you just can't find a way to go on, you find your own block in life, you want to just stop. What you need to do is just bite your lip and move on. The way to get past it is to stop thinking and just move forward even if what you're producing isn't great. You fix it later, your job is to keep moving till it becomes easier.

And now I can't think of a closing line, damn it.

Absence

2010-04-01T20:50:00.002-04:00

It may be apparent, that I missed my day yesterday. What happened was I forgot. It simply slipped my mind, there is little else to say beyond that. It's not the best excuse in the world, but that's the truth of the matter, and I must now make up for it. Five days of writing, I will be writing until Wednesday. I really don't know if I can do it, but we'll see.

Missing things in general is an undesirable experience, not being there, missing out, being absent... The things you miss may never come again. You lose the chance to make an experience, lose the ability to have a memory. Work, school, work, social engagements, each have a chance to have us experience something new.

But then, how many times have you missed out on something because you were at work, because you had school, or needed to attend a party somewhere else? We again lose on experience, and now it's not even our fault. We've missed something great so we wouldn't miss something we don't enjoy. With all the chances to miss something, it can come to make you indecisive about where to be.

How many times have you played hookie in your life? How many times was the experience worth it, how many times did you miss something because you weren't there? Nobody can be everywhere at once, and none of us can predict the experiences we will encounter, so how do we decide where to go and when? How do we make the most of our time, minimize the chance of being absent?

Flexibility. Make sure you don't work too much, make sure you're hot at home all the time. Start living, be as many places as you can be. Make sure all life's experiences are available to you, that you can get to them and enjoy them. Make sure you're out in the world and most importantly, don't worry too much about what you might miss while you're out there. The experience you have there might top whatever your experience you might have had here.

All I know for sure is... Manda missed one of her days first.

Love Cliches

2010-03-30T23:40:00.004-04:00

I wrote this a while ago.. I can't find the will to write today.. Vote in the comments if I deserve a punishment.

Cliché ideals of love:
Sweaty palms
Racing hearts
Perfect harmony
Finishing each others sentences
Constant happiness
Fixed flaws

Real love:
Uncontrolled laughter
Knowing what you’re going to say but saying something different just to make the other person laugh because you’re a freak and they like it ^_^
Acceptance, love and reassurance that flaws are not only ok, but beautiful
Inside jokes
Fights, rubbing each other the wrong way and being able to accept it as part of life, fix it and move on
Knowing what makes each other tic
Knowing what makes each other smile
Knowing what makes each other cry
Knowing what makes each other crazy
Not knowing why you’re smiling
Not knowing why you’re crazy
Not knowing why you’re laughing
Learning, every day, how to make it work

Fuck clichés, I think we’ll be fine without them.

Jumping Back In

2010-03-29T16:47:00.002-04:00

Vacations are great, you get to spend some time to yourself, not worry about all the little things in life. You can relax, and get to what you want to do. But eventually vacations end, you have to go back to your job, you're normal routine. Returning to a routine can be just as hectic as disrupting one, coming back after being gone... You suddenly feel like you're new again.

Expected to preform acts you've so joyously distanced yourself from, those old muscle memories slow to respond. You fluster, you flub, you make mistakes. The tension mounts, you wonder why you took that vacation at all. You tell yourself you should have stayed where it was comfortable. The familiar is so inviting, no change, no expectations, no excitement.

Eventually the muscle memories kick in, we become settled in our norm. The tension is replaced with ease, we find ourselves again. That break is once again welcomed, enjoyed. Thought on with fondness. We let those thoughts of staying in the familiar pass, and start planning our next disruption of the routine... We jump back in, and find ourselves.

But damn if picking up where you left off isn't hard.

Confusing Realities

2010-03-28T15:29:00.000-04:00

Tangled in the vines
You think about all you've done
Tangled in the vines
You whisper a prayer for all you could do

Tangled
Webbed
Trapped

Trapped without hope
You wish for redemption
Trapped without dreams
You lose connection

Once you're there
You're lost forever
You're drifting away
You've gone to a world of ends

Or a beginning.

Harmonious Disposition

2010-03-27T17:03:00.001-04:00

Each interaction
Each event
Each brush of the shoulders
Or kiss of the lips

Each opportunity
Each idea
Each meeting of the eye
or conversation

Everything.. Everyone... is a chance to learn.
About each other.... about yourself.

Don't let the opportunities slip away because of fear
Don't let the past cloud your present
Don't let your future dictate your actions

Cautiousness and curiosity must be balanced
You cannot use either excessively
They must find harmony

Without that delicate dance
There is no merit to the past
No present entanglements worth having
And no future to attend to

Cooking

2010-03-26T22:10:00.003-04:00

There's something so soothing about being in the kitchen with raw ingredients set out in front of you. They are yours to form and create with, yours to turn into whatever may come out of your mind, your hands and your own creativity.

Follow an old family recipe, create your own, add an extra teaspoon of something or another. You rebel, you!

My favorite thing is to create sauce from scratch, adding the layers of tomatoes and herbs and stirring and simmering, letting the smell penetrate your home.

It's exciting and makes you expectant of the coming use of the very thing you are creating.

Am I the only one who feels this excitement when cooking?

I hope not because then I'd feel very odd. Far more odd than I already feel.

Time

2010-03-25T23:44:00.003-04:00

Time slips away
Running through fingers
Running away
Lost

Time is opportunity
Gone and past
Gone forever
No more

Time runs constant
Time runs smooth

Time, will never change.
Time, will never let you down.

Trust in time, even as you grip it, trying to keep it with you.

Bad, bad girl

2010-03-24T18:35:00.001-04:00

So some of you might have noticed that I uh… Didn’t exactly post on time yesterday. In fact, I didn’t post at all yesterday.

And most of you know what this means. That it’s time for me to be punished.

Will’s decided the following punishment will be suitable. I have to write every day until the end of the week, that’s 5 days, punishing not only me but giving him some time off. And while I dislike this punishment greatly due to the week it currently is (you right bastard) I am going to do it because I, unlike William, am a woman of my word. Not that… William... is a woman… Moving along.

Will, since I’m posting ALONE this week, I expect you to bloody comment like every other reader. Deal with it.

So here’s my first punishment post.

All my life, I have always been early.

Early for church, early for school, early for parties, early for everything.

This is mostly my father’s fault. He hates being late. He hates being 5 minutes early. He hates being 10 minutes early. 15 or more. Always.

So all my life, always being early, I’ve always been the first to everything, the one that shows up when things aren’t quite ready, the awkward one who just waits for everyone else.

It’s enough to give a girl a complex!

So I’m more apathetic about time now, for the most part.

Ok that’s a lie. I’m not at all apathetic. Ask my family and friends.

“Guys we have to go, the movie is in an hour and it’s a 20 minute drive!”

“Dad, hurry up, I have to be there at 1.”
“Manda, it’s 11.”

So yeah. I was a bad girl. I promise to be more careful. After I slay William.

Leave suggestions for my 5 day punishment!

-Manda

Poetry and made up words

2010-03-24T04:51:00.000-04:00

Never put your faith in a stranger
They will steadfastly let you down
Without realizing the danger
Oblivious to your loss of ground.

Never put your faith in a lover
For they wield a power untaught
Once the words surround you
The damage can never be unwrought

So I was writing the shitty poem above you hoping to get inspired to write something when I stumbled upon a realization. As much as I love words and all their glory, I make up a fuckload of them.

Example: Unwrought.... Not a word. You all know what I mean when I said it. But it's REALLY not a word.

The more I think the more I realize I do this more often than not. I take a real word and add things to it. A prefix here, a suffix there. A completely non-realistic word there.

And then I realized something else... No WONDER people hate talking to me so much. Half of what I said... isn't a real language. Ha!

My friends have always said I have Mandaisms

And I just thought it was my phrasing but.. blast it all, I just have my own damn language again.

Lovely.

So now that I know
How I ruin my fav'rite
Language, yay me.

Improving

2010-03-22T21:23:00.002-04:00

The point of this site, for me anyway, was to get used to writing on a regular basis. Every other day I would have to write, no matter what. It's been nearly a month and I haven't missed a day, I'm proud of myself. And while I've written a few articles that people have thought were good, there are a few I've written I'm not very proud of at all. There are many reasons why, I rushed the article, didn't have my heart set on the topic, or I just couldn't put some thought to word.

So I of course started to think about actual improvement, moving forward, making progress. And isn't that one of the hardest things to do. Think about your job, do you always do your best? Do you always strive to be better than you were before, or do you do fall into a cycle of giving just whats needed to make it? Most of us fall into a cycle, not because we're lazy, unmotivated, or unable... But just because it's easier to follow the routine, and hard to break a routine once it's set.

So how do we strive to be better, how do we improve ourselves? It can be a daunting task really, this isn't like getting a job started, or finding the motivation to be creative... This is being better than you were just before. Taking a step up, and making sure you don't stumble back. Trying to keep yourself moving forward, bettering yourself always.

I want you all to do something for me, pick an aspect of your life... it can be small, it can be large, but I want you to try and improve yourself in that task. Put some extra effort into something, work or hobby, doesn't matter. Just try and be better than you were the day before, improve yourself a little bit...

Otherwise you'll just stick to the routine.

Empty Homes

2010-03-21T23:37:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been alone in your house? I mean, you probably have but bear with me.

You’re alone. Without the TV on. Without music playing. Without company. No voices to fill the silent instances.

You hear the creak of the house, the shift in the ice maker, your breathing, the birds outside, the fan’s quiet wisp.

You can remember that, the listening... But do you remember your thought process in those moments?

Do you tend to not delve too deep or do you withdraw in yourself, thinking about things that are overly sensitive and deep?

Are you comfortable with yourself? Comfortable enough to be alone, to either not worry or to flit through your thoughts like you would pages in a book?

Or do you need to hide behind the white noise?

It’s just something I think about… Being alone in a house. No white noise. Nothing to hide behind. Just me and my thoughts.

I miss the white noise.

Distractions

2010-03-20T20:46:00.002-04:00

Now a while ago I talked about motivation and getting past the distractions that keep us from getting around to doing something. But here, today, I'm gonna take the flip side. We all know those people, they work way too hard. Maybe you are one of these people, working two full time jobs and going to school as well. The kind of people who put every ounce of effort into their work, and none into their personal lives. In short, they have no distractions, nothing to take their mind off the world.

What a way to live, concentrating solely on work... They make no time for friends, they make no time for hobbies, they just work. Maybe they're saving for something, maybe they're trying to pay something off. They always have their reasons, but it's always such a sad thing to see, someone not enjoying something silly. They don't sit down and play a video game, they don't go out on the town with friends, they don't even read a book. They don't just... stop. And sometimes that's what you need to do.

Now like I've said in the past, you really should put forth the effort to get motivated, break away from the easy rewards and get to making something rewarding for yourself, but whats the point of it all if you don't slow down for a few moments and just enjoy whats already out there. There's so much to do in life, it can be hard to justify sitting down in a park and watching the sky pass by, taking a late night walk and marvel at the stars, or sit on a bench on a busy city street and just watch the ballet of people and cars for a little while.

People sometimes get so worried about life passing them by they don't ever seem to let it pass for a few moments and just absorb it. They're too busy with life that they can't enjoy life. Now I'm not saying throw everything down and never work... If you need to work as hard as you do for something important, keep at it. But try and grab a few hours a week for something else, something slow. Enjoy a book, go to a movie, take a nice leisurely stroll through town. Do something that's not so stress educing yo end up with an aneurysm at twenty-seven.

Just relax a bit, your world won't crumble because you didn't produce anything for five minutes. Let the weight come off your shoulders, it won't feel like the world is this crushing impenetrable thing. Just stop, take a breath, and take in whats happening around you. Do something that's not a necessity before the time comes where you want to, but can't.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Ferris Bueller

Intermission

2010-03-19T20:24:00.003-04:00

The excitement of something beginning
The loss of something established
Battling, endlessly caught

You wish to see the new
You wish to keep the old
You can't. You have to choose

But while you choose
While you make that awful break
While you change

Know that you are not alone
That the world wont stop spinning
And that this is just the very beginning.

Service

2010-03-18T19:36:00.002-04:00

In our culture we put certain professions on pedestals, the professions we believe deserve respect and admiration. Usually it's Firemen, Police Officers, or EMTs, the people who's day job it is to save lives. But these are not the people I want to talk about today, and I'm not saying they don't deserve the praise they get, they deserve all of it and more. No today I want to talk about people who not only don't get the praise they deserve, they very rarely get any praise whatsoever...

The Service Industry...

Retail workers, fast food jockeys, clerks, waiters, tech support. These are the people who get paid as little as is allowed in this country, and yet deal with so much. Their job? To make you happy... They make your food, package your groceries, get you your entertainment through movies, games, and books. And when their company does something that upsets you, they're the ones that you yell and scream at... And they just have to take it.

These people are literally at the bottom rung, usually in their early to mid-twenties, college students who are already under extreme amounts of stress getting their lives started. They have to worry about a place to live, bills, and transportation on under ten bucks an hour, and then have to put on a smile while they pour your coffee. A constant juggling act of keeping the customers pleased, while making their store profit.

And that's not an easy job, I can assure you. People have this idea that a company that wants to make money is evil, that when a policy changes it's unfair and they're being ripped off. They think they are personally being attacked when actually a company is just trying to stay afloat in a difficult economic time. That policy that was being taken advantage of, that was losing the company money, had to be changed. When this happens and you feel personally attacked, it's that poor guy or girl at the register that's going to have to deal with the rage.

And let me tell you, that clerk is just as annoyed at the policy change as you are, possibly more so.

So think about this the next time you walk into a supermarket, or an electronics store... That guy who's wearing the uncomfortable polo shirt with the nametag on it? He's not the company he works for, he's just a kid who's trying to pay for school, a cell phone, his car, and possibly an apartment on 35 hours a week. Maybe screaming at him that the price of your favorite kind of bubblegum went up five cents isn't really going to help his day out any. Maybe instead we should all appreciate these unsung heroes that do for us something we have long since taken for granted.

He's a clerk, and he deserves respect.

Two References To Zambonis

2010-03-17T21:48:00.003-04:00

There once was a man from Peru...

Yeah, I actually wrote that in a word document and then stared at it for an hour. Not my brightest, shining moment.

I'm starting to understand all that rambling Will does about lack of motivation.

I feel like I want to churn something out, need to churn something out because I don't want to be the first person punished on this project (I am saving that honor for Will). I just.. Can't get anything of substance to fall out of my hands. It's pissing me off.

I'm laying in bed, feeling like Death rented a Zamboni and decided to take it for a joy ride over my spine, and I really don't feel like writing.

Usually, I'm a little bit blocked and stumped when I first start but never this bad.

I mean just now I took a twenty minutes between that sentence and this one.

Sometimes, you get disheartened when you can't just tap tap tap tap DONE!

I'm not saying I'm the bees knees or anything but usually I'm pretty good at picking myself up from a rough spot. Today just isn't my day.

I did have a few things I wanted to talk about that I will list in a listy-like format because I'm sick and... not that creative.

1. Readers, I know you're out there. I know because you tell me you read. Either you're lying to me or you're lazy. Either way, shame on you! Leave a comment, a suggestion, a YOU SUCK. Hell, just click the "comment" thingy and type randomly for a few moments just so I can have some small, itsy bitsy scrap of validation. PLEASE.

2... That was really it, I guess. I have no other way to flesh this out.

3. I guess I could start a debate. Will, Universal Health Care is an over-ambitious, foolish thing to consider.

Until next time,

Manda and the Zamboni on her spine

Sick

2010-03-16T20:56:00.002-04:00

Due to a rather heavy storm and lack of communication between me and my family, I spent this previous weekend drinking contaminated water. The entire time I felt generally unwell until it finally accumulated into full blown sickness this past Monday, and I am still now feeling ill. Although I am through the worst and feeling better, it was an all around unpleasant experience, as being sick always is.

Being sick is rough, in more ways than just physical. Even a head cold can be completely debilitating to your life. We become so vulnerable when sick, weak and exhausted... Everything hurts, everything is loud and too bright, your skin tingles and shudders. You vomit, you expel, you purge... You wither. Mentally you become sullen, withdrawn, everything becomes dull. You're alone because you don't want to get others sick, you're upset because your boss yelled at you for calling out. Sickness comes and takes everything, it takes your mind, body, and time.

Getting over illness is a slow and awful process, expunging germs and bacteria through phlegm, mucus, and vomit. You ooze disgust from every orifice, you become the walking dead to those around you. You feel the worst you've ever felt, laying your head over cold porcelain, gasping for breath through wet putrid lips...

Of course, later you realize how wrong that is, that you weren't alone. You had your loved ones caring for you, suggesting remedies and giving sympathy. They made sure you were taken care of, becoming stern in telling you to get rest when you were being belligerent. In your worst moments, you have those who care the most for you making sure you would rise again. They all know that it's all temporary and aide you, as you need it, to wellness again. As horrible as you feel during those times, you always know that no matter how bad you get, you'll always have someone who will help you get better.

Still, being sick sucks.